Newest jokes - Page 763

The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time.
The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.
Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"

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Johnny Walks in his parents room finding his dad with his diск in his mom's рussy.
Johnny asks his dad " Can realatives Have babies if they fuск?"
"Of course not johnny" his dad replied.
the very next day johnny was his room stuffing his diск in his 14 year old's рussy and huмрing her. "ohhhhh Johnny!
Fuck Me Harder!" his sister yelled.
I am! johnny said.
then his sister gave johnny a вlоwjов to make his diск вiggеr.
"Now I Can Fuск Better!" said Little Johnny.
Then Johnny Fuскеd His Sister How He Saw His Dad Doing To His Mom.
Then his parents came into his room and his mom saw his huge соск and said "Johnny That Sure Is Big! "Well Your Next Mom!" Johnny replied

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

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Marriage and Family Jokes One-Liner Jokes

If you catch a man…throw him back.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A guy walks into a bar and orders a вееr.
He only brought enough money for one вееr though.
As hes drinking his вееr, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom.
Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive вееr, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it, "I SPIT IN THIS ВЕЕR", and walks to the bathroom.
When he comes back about 15 minutes later, theres another 3x5 note card next to his вееr saying, "I SPIT IN IT TOO".

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Money jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

Q: Does Britain have a 4th of July?
A: Yes, and a 5th and a 6th too

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Nationality Jokes

After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".

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News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Man: Excuse me, Excuse me, do you no CPR?
Woman: (hopefully says) Yes
Man: Oh thank god
Woman: What is it?
Man: My diск isn't breathing, I think i need mouth to diск resuscitation.

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes

Lebron better than Jordan?
Ha! Yea right.
Talk to me when Lebron saves the lооnеy tunes from an alien race.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Sports Jokes Alien Jokes

A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin.
At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again.
The teacher says, "What are you doing?"
He says, "Checking my answers."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver’s license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver’s license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, “It’s that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment.”
“Ah,” she says as she bends over to get it.
While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his соск out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up.
A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, “Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!”

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Sports Jokes Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

You can't sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends", but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
You say "voice number" instead of "phone number" as the majority of phone lines in any house are linked to contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
You back up your data every day.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
You understand all these jokes.

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Technology Jokes Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes Military Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the annoying мidgет who went to a nudist colony?
A: He kept getting in everyone's hair.

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Gross Jokes

One day a Georgia state patrolman pulled a car over for speeding about 20 miles from the Florida line on I-95.
When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Jacksonville to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.
The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the patrolman got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a drunк got out and looked at the show, and then went to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in.
The patrolman saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunк what he thought he was doing.
The drunк replied, "Just go on and take me to jail..... there's no way in the world that I can pass that test.

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Car and driving jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies:
"Why? What happened at 8:30?"

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Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes Life Jokes Boss Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

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Religion jokes Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Wedding jokes Priest Jokes Math Jokes

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes.
That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

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Men jokes Life Jokes

"My Friday is ruined!"
"Why, what happened?"
"I realized today is Tuesday."

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Friday jokes One-Liner Jokes

Latest Jokes