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Latest Jokes

So I was f**g this bh right, and I thought I had aides. So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get aides. Now what I’m wondering is where the hеll does an eight year old get aides?! I guess my sister needs new friends…

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Heaven And Hell Jokes

What do you call a farting boxer???
Gaseous Clay

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Fart Jokes

The blind guy in work was telling me how he was getting sick of hearing people making jokes about him.
I said, “I see”

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Office and Work Jokes Disability Jokes

You'll never have a successful relationship with a woman if you can't tell the difference between a smile and a warning.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a black and an Asian?
A: 10 minutes in the oven.

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Boycott Jokes

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

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Birthday Jokes

My coworker who believes Jesus Сhrisт was the immaculately conceived son of God who rose from the dead can't believe it's Monday already.

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God Jokes Christian Jokes

A Pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time to visit an elderly parishioner. As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they continue their conversation, he can't help himself and eats one after another. By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."

"That's okay," she says. "They would have just sat there anyway. Without my teeth, all I can do is suск the chocolate off and put them back in the bowl."

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Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes

what do fат demons hate, exorcise

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Catholic Jokes

If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty.

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Beauty Jokes

A couple of Yogi Berra's team mates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him.
Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him.
He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.

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Sports Jokes Baby Jokes

I don't like black jokes because I have one in my family tree. He's still hanging there.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Attitude Jokes

When visiting South Africa, Daniel the Englishman asked a South African the question:
"Why is it that some South Africans say 'Ja' (pronounced as "ya") while others say 'Yes' if they have the same meanings?"
"Clever people say 'Yes' while sтuрid people say 'Ja'," was his reply.
"So, are you clever?" asked Daniel.
"Ja," replied the South African.

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Africa Jokes

Yo mama so ugly, they use her picture to scare kids straight.

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Yo Momma Jokes Kids Jokes Ugly Jokes

Gurl, you remind me of a box of chocolates.....(Why?) Cause I want to take your top off.

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Flirt jokes

Professor Oak:
"Ash is your mom still single?"
Ash:
"Yeah why?"
Professor Oak:
"No reason, here's a pokeball, go catch every Pokemon in the world."

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Single People Jokes

Bob stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.

Finally his exasperated partner asked, "what the hеll is taking so long?"

"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse," Bob explained. "I want to make a perfect shot."

"Good lord!" his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's chance in hеll of hitting her from here."

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Golf jokes

Girlfriend: Мiск, I’m miserable in our relationship.
Me: FOR REAL?
Girlfriend: Yes. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I’ve lost 10 lbs.
Me: So you’re saying it’s over?
Girlfriend: Well, not yet. I wanna lose 15.

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Relationship Jokes Dating Jokes

Chintu:
"You never study, so how come you don't fail your math tests?"
Pintu:
"Because whenever there is a math test, I don't go to school!"

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School Jokes Math Jokes

I am not a fаn of Facebook as it seems to be a platform for making me feel shiт about my life. I am sure everyone lies about their wonderful lives on it. So, here is my interpretation of what is really being said on Facebook…..
Wow..suitcase packed off on our lovely hols with my amazing husband and wonderful children.
( I am shattered from being up all night packing for these lazy ваsтаrds….I want to drink wine already and its only 4am and we are not even at the airport yet)
Just cooked a lovely meal ( insert picture), can’t wait to snuggle down with my man and eat it!
(hope he chokes on it…and I didn’t cook it at all, I warmed it up then put it on a plate so you will all think I am a domestic goddess)
Had the most amazing night with my lovely friends…
( spent most of the night providing shoulder to cry on for recently dumped friend, trying to stop desperate friend shаgging inappropriate man, holding hair for ‘shots all night’ friend while she vomits up £40 worth of вооzе…..never again.)
Just had a lovely bath complete with candles!!
( had to wash as covered in horse shiт and electricity ran out so was forced to use a candle.)
Enjoyed a lovely long walk with the dogs today!
( because the fuскеrs ran off and it took me 5 miles to catch them.)
Had a lovely day with all the family today!
( what was lovely about it was when they went home)
Am off to see a lovely friend of mine I have not seen since school!
( hope she is fatter and looks older than me)
Spent a lovely afternoon making cakes with the kids!
( will now have to spend the rest of the week cleaning cake batter off the ceiling the fecking animals)
Can’t wait to hit the shops with my daughters today! Girlie shopping!
( goodbye salary hello strops and arguments - just кill me now)
Going to have a lovely relaxing early night!
( have to get to bed and asleep pronto, hubby feeling fruity, am not in mood so instigating avoidance tactics!!..)
You Can See Original Article by Anna Mathews here

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