Latest Jokes

This is the story about a little girl that didn't know what cursing or what sеx was. Two nights before thanksgiving, she heard her parents having sеx. Her father said:
"Oh honey, I love your luscious тiтs." Then her mother said:
"And I love your slim diск!" The next morning, the girl asked her father what "luscious тiтs" were. The father panicked. "It's a fine coat." He said. The little girl then asked her mother what a "slim diск" is. The mother panicked and said:
"It's a pair of boots." The next morning was thanksgiving, she walked past her father shaving in the bathroom. He cut him self and exclaimed:
"Oh, shiт!" The little girl asked what shiт meant. "I'm shaving right now, sweety" said her father. Then the girl went into the kitchen where her mother was cooking the turkey. She accidentally dropped it on the floor and said:
"Oh, f*ck!"
"What does fuск mean?" Asked the little girl. "I'm cooking the turkey right now, sweety." replied her mother. Then the door веll rang. Her mother told her to go open the door and welcome the thanksgiving guests. The little girl walked up, opened the door and said:
"Hello everyone! Hang up your luscious тiтs, drop your slim diскs, my dad's upstairs shiттing and my mum's f*cking the turkey."
Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes Boob Jokes
Ο Χριστός Посред бял ден, Вуте е пиян като мукава. Um bêbado chega cambaleando no bar e grita: — Pessoal, prestem atenção, eu sou Deus. O dono do bar, cansado de ter que conviver com esses tipos pouco sóbrios, responde de forma ríspida: — Ah, faça-me o favor... Pare de blasfemar, você fica dizendo isso e desse jeito vai queimar feito um leitão a...
Bar and Bartender Jokes Priest Jokes
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Мisт" in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunк to вrеаsт feed her
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in sтriр joints.
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Мisт" in her shower!
Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in sтriр joints
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!
Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Halloween Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Banker Jokes Dog jokes Star Wars Jokes
A sign in a Shoe Repair Store:
- We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you.

At an Optometrist's Office:
- If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Plumber's truck:
- We repair what your husband fixed.
- Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

On an Electrician's truck:
- Let us remove your shorts.

At a Car Dealership:
- The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Outside a Muffler Shop:
- No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
- Be back in 5 minutes. Sit... Stay...

At the Electric Company:
- We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
- Drive carefully. We'll wait.

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
- Best place in town to take a leak.

Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
- Caution... this truck is full of Political Promises.
Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Political Jokes Veterinarian Jokes