Jokes about Banks and Bankers

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
Johnny said, "My father is a воокiе. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."

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Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in Texas. One day Trevor rides on his bike into town and he sees a building on fire, so he goes back home and tells his brother, "Herman, Herman there is a fire and people are getting burned!"
His brother says "Oh, that was on the radio - that's old news.
So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a bank being robbed, so he rides back home and says "Herman, Herman there is bank being robbed and people are getting shot and killed!"
His brother says, "Oh that was on the radio - that's old news."
So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a pig stuck in a fence and starts to thinkin'... Then he rides home and says, "Herman Herman! I had my first sequal experience today!"
His brother says, "In a pig's аss,"
And Trevor replies, "Oh, you and your sтuрid radio."

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Men vs Women Jokes Banker Jokes

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill.
He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change. The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

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Money jokes Banker Jokes

You seen white people goin, 'Oh, how ya doin', Bob?
Ah, no I.D. with me today. No, I forgot my I.D. Just go ahead -$5,000.' Brothers be at the bank - he's got his birth certificate, social security card, his lotto tickets, his pictures his kid drew, and they're still over in the back going, 'I don't think that's him. I'll tell you what, give him $28.'

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Nationality Jokes Banker Jokes

They don't treat the black people right.
In our neighborhoods, they don't have banks - they have check cashing.

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Nationality Jokes Banker Jokes

- a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
- Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters.
- Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages.
- people use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss.
- Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

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News and Politics Jokes Banker Jokes

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
Communism: You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The Enron annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

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News and Politics Jokes Banker Jokes Military Jokes

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the shoulders of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hеll are you doing?"
"Well," said the guy, "I''m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can''t help practicing my art!"
"That''s the stupidest thing I''ve ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me sсrеwing the guy in front of me?"

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News and Politics Jokes Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes Banker Jokes

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News and Politics Jokes Banker Jokes Dog jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie gets dressed and realizes that she forgot her shoes. Panic sets in until her sister loans her another pair of shoes. Unfortunately they are a bit too small and at the end of the night Sophie's feet are in agony.
The rest of the Royal Family crowds around the door to the bedroom and they hear grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually, they hear Edward say, "God, that was tight."
"There," whispers the Queen to the Duke, "I told you she was a virgin."
Then, to their surprise, they hear Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one." Followed by more grunting and, "My God. That was even tighter."
"That's my boy," says the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."

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News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Wedding jokes Banker Jokes Sailor Jokes

A guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.
Just before he takes a sip of his whiskey, a guy runs in and says, "Bill, your house burnt down!" So he runs outside, but then he thinks, "I don't have a house," so he goes back into the bar and takes a sip of his whiskey. Another guy runs in and says, "Bill! Your dad died!"He runs out of the bar, gets on his horse and rides a little ways, but then thinks, "I don't have a dad," so he goes back into the bar and drinks almost all of his whiskey. Then another guy runs in and says, "Bill! You won the lottery!" So he runs out, gets on his horse and rides all the way to the bank, but then he thinks, "My name's not Bill."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Dad Jokes Banker Jokes

Signs That You're Out of College:
- Your refrigerator holds more solid foods than liquids.
- You've lost the thread on your favorite soap opera.
- 8 a.m. means shower and shave, not wake and bake.
- You file taxes with more than three digits.
- You hear your favorite songs in doctor's waiting rooms and when you're on hold with the bank.
- You're not carded anymore for anything.
- You carry an umbrella.
- You now know there's no such thing as "looking mature."
- You get your news from sources other than ESPN and MTV.
- Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog.
- Doing shots and smoking cigarettes guarantees midnight dry heaves and a sinus attack instead of midnight skinny dipping and a Big Mac attack.
- You go from 130 days to seven days of vacation time.
- You actually eat breakfast foods - at breakfast time.

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School Jokes Banker Jokes

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go skydiving?
A: It didn't have the guts.

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Sports Jokes Gross Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Banker Jokes Life Jokes

Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt.
"We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave.The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sреrм Bank Robbed."

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Banker Jokes

A little old lady walks into the Bank of Canada with a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the president of the bank.
She tells the bank president that she has accumulated several hundred thousand dollars over the years and would like to open a trust in the bank.
The president is curious, so he asks her, "Where did you get all this money?"
The old lady replies, "I make bets."
The president then asks, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman says, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your ваlls are square."
"Ha!" laughs the president, "That's ridiculous - you can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenges, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my ваlls are not square!"
The little old lady says, "OK. I'll bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10 a.m. as a witness, and we'll see."
The next morning, the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. "OK," she says, "Time to drop your pants and settle this bet."
The president complies. The little old lady peers closely at his ваlls and asks if she could feel them. "Well, OK," says the bank president, "since there's so much money on the line."
Just then, the lawyer starts ваnging his head against the wall. The president asks the old lady, "What the hеll's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replies, "I bet him $50,000 that at 10 a.m. today, I'd have the president of the Bank of Canada's ваlls in my hand."

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes Banker Jokes

Suggestive Professions:
Doctors - "Take off your clothes."
Dentist - "Open wide."
Hairdressers - "Do you want it teased or blown?"
Milkmen - "Do you want it in front or in back?"
Interior decorators - "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
Bankers - "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."
Police officers - "Spread 'em."
Mailmen - "I've got a package for you."
Pilots - "I take off fast, but bring it in slow and steady."
Hunters - "I love going deep in the bush."

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Office and Work Jokes Aviation Jokes Banker Jokes Dentist Jokes Pilot Jokes Hairdresser Jokes American Presidents Humor

Lem: "I got fired from my job as a bank guard."
Clem: "That's awful. What happened?"
Lem: "Well, a thief came in, and I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it."
Clem: "What did the thief do then?"
Lem: "He took one more step, so I let him have it. I didn't want that sтuрid gun anyway."

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Office and Work Jokes Banker Jokes

Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, when she heard there was a change in the weather, she ran outside with her piggy bank.

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Yo Momma Jokes Banker Jokes

Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, she got fired from a sреrм bank for drinking on the job.

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Yo Momma Jokes Dirty jokes Banker Jokes

Yo' Mama is so skanky, she could sell her spit to a sреrм bank.

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Yo Momma Jokes Banker Jokes