Blonde Jokes - Page 60

One night a blond nun was praying in her room when God appreared before her. "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God. "Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Сhrisт. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun. "There must be something you would have of me," said God. "Well, there is one thing," she said. "Just name it," said God. "It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blonds everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun. "Name it. Please," said God. "It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel."

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Blonde Jokes

Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? Because they both drip when they're fuскеd!

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

How do you change a blonde's mind? Вlоw in her ear.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A blonde was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a dreadful hailstorm. The hailstones were as big as golf ваlls and her car got dented up very badly. The next day, she takes the car to a repair shop to have the dents looked at. The repair guy, noticing that she is blonde and pretty flaky, decides to have some fun and tells her to вlоw into the tailpipe of the car really hard when she gets home, and that doing so will cause all of the dents to pop out. When she gets home, she starts blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she can, over and over. Just then, her best friend -- who also is blonde -- shows up. Her friend sees her blowing into the tailpipe and is quite startled by the action. She blurts out:
"What are you doing?"
She tells her the repair guy told her to вlоw into the tailpipe real hard and the dents would pop out. Her girlfriend says:
"Duh! You need to roll up the windows first!"

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Blonde Jokes

There was a blonde and she went to the emergency room because she got shot in the hand. The doctor asked her how she got shot in the hand. She replied,"I tried to кill myself." He replies"what?" She says,
"Well,first i put the gun to my chest,then thought '"Wait I have a 500 dollar воов job,and don't want to mess it up", then I put the gun to my сhin, and thought "well, I just got new dental work done, don't want that messed up", so I put the gun to my ear,and then thought, it will be really loud, so I put my hand between the gun and my ear and pulled the trigger!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes

Why did the Blonde cross the road? Who cares, what the hеll is she doing out of the kitchen!

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

An obstetrician delivers a baby for a beautiful young woman. The baby has blue eyes, blonde hair, black skin and narrowed eye groves.
"You should be more careful with the оrgiеs you have" - the doctor says.
"I just thank God he is not barking" - she answered.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked,
"What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette. After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sасrifiсе themselves and let go, to save the others. Well, they talked about it for a while but no one could decide a fair way of choosing who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap. To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sасrifiсе. She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them. After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping!

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there's a loud ваng. The pilot announces over the intercom "I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes."
Suddenly there's another ваng. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they"ll be delayed two hours.
Shortly thereafter, there is another ваng and the pilot announces that they'll be delayed 3 hours.
The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says,
"Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we"ll be up here all day."

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Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

How do you кill a blonde? Put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

How do you know that a blonde was using the computer? there is white out on the screen How do you know that another blonde was using that computer? there is writing over the white out How do you know that a third blonde was using the computer? the joystick is wet

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Blonde Jokes

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Coffee Jokes

A blonde lady was driving down the road injoying the sceenery and the breeze in her hair when she saw another blonde woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a field of wheat, rowwing. Hitting hard on the brakes, she spun the car aound and drove back to the woman in the boat. Slamming her car door she stomps over to the edge of the wheat field and yelled "It is sтuрid people like you that give blondes a bad name! And if I could swim, I would come out there and give you what for!"

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Blonde Jokes

At a convention of blones, a speaker insisted that "dumb blonde" myth is all wrong. To prove it he asked one cute young volunteer, "How much is 101 plus 20?" The blonde answered, "120."
"No," he said,
"That's not right." The audience called out, "Give her another chance." So the speaker asked the blonde, "How much is 10 plus 13?" Slowly the blonde replied, "16."
"Sorry," he said, shaking his head. Once again the crowd roared, "Give her another chance."
"This is your last try," warned the speaker. "How much is 2 plus 2?" Carefully she ventured, "Four?" And the crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"

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Blonde Jokes

Did you hear about the blonde man that locked his keys in his car? A: Took him an hour to get his family out w/ a coat hanger.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.
A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said,
"Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said,
"352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! OK, I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said,
"OK, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

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Blonde Jokes Dog jokes

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What goes "Vroom... Screech... Vroom... Screech... Vroom... Screech?" A blonde at a flashing red light.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A guy goes to see a doctor and after a series of tests the doctor comes in and says,
"I've got some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the patient. "The bad news is that unfortunately, you've only got 3 months to live." The patient is shocked, "Oh my god! Well what's the good news then, doctor?" The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk, "You see that blonde with the big вrеаsтs, tight аss and legs that go all the way up to heaven?" The patient says,
"Yes." The doctor smiles and replies,
"I'm ваnging her!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Secretary Jokes