Blonde Jokes

Most popular in this category

There's a magical mirror in a a bar that eats those who lie to it.
A blonde and a brunette and a red head walk into a bar and discover the mirror.
The brunette looks at it and says "wow I think I'm this dress looks good on me."
So it eats her.
The red head says "I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world"
So it eats her.
The blonde looks at the mirror and says "I think -". *It eats her*

0 0

A blonde, a brunette and a red head walk into a bar. The bartender
Tells them that there is a magic mirror in the bathroom. If they tell
The truth while looking into it then they get something nice, but if
They lie then they disappear.
The brunette walks in, looks in the mirror and says,
"I think that I
Am the sexiest woman in the bar." And $1 million pops up in the sink.
The red head walks in, looks in the mirror and says,
"I think I'm the
Smartest woman in the bar." And car keys to Viper pop out of the sink.
The blonde walks in, looks in the mirror and says,
"I think....." And
She disappears.

0 0

Gracie was driving down the road in her pickup truck when she spotted a blonde sitting in a canoe in the middle a corn field. She slammed on her brakes and swerved into the corn field.
Pulling up beside the blonde, she rolled down her window and shouted, "Hey! What do you think you're doing?!?"
The blonde in the canoe looked at her, confused and said,
"Well, I'm just out enjoying the sun in my canoe."
Gracie was fuming. She yelled back, "Why are you out in the middle of the cornfield!?!"
"Well, it seemed like a great day to be in the wide open," the blonde replied.
"You know," Gracie said,
"It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your вuтт!"

0 0

A fit blonde walked over to me in a club last night, “What do you do for a living?” she asked
“Accounting specialist,” I said.
“Wow!” she replied, “What can you go upto?”

0 0

Sтuрid вiтсh! We were in my car and she decides “safe sеx” is locking the car doors.

0 0

A Blonde reached college late.
Blonde: Good morning sir.
Anant: Why are you so late?
Blonde: Sir, a boy was following me in the way"
Anant: But why are you late.
Girl: Sir, that boy was walking very slow.

0 0

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. “What’s that?” she asked, her eyes gleaming with lusт. “Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply. “Oh,” said the blonde sympathetically, “that must be painful…. I had tennis elbow once.”

0 0

I took on a car pool rider so I could use the diamond lane. She’s a twenty year old blonde, but after all these years her seams are giving out, so I’ll need to buy a new one.

0 0

My mate handed me a вееr and said, ” Got to hand it to you. Great party you’ve sorted out. Quality coke you got, good spread, pumping tunes and I have to say the strippers was an inspired decision. Did you see what that blonde did with the cucumber? Amazing! But l was wondering. Who are the miserable ваsтаrds in the corner?”
I looked over and said, ” That’ll be the wifes parents. I think they’ve got the huмр because I had her cremated.

0 0

I was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, “I think my воовs are too small, I’m going to get a воов job.”
“Hmm,” I replied, “my hands are too small… what do you think I should do?”
“Do you want a hand job?”
She’s a keeper.

0 0

“Let us assume,” said the professor, “that you are aboard a small craft alone in the Pacific, and you spot a vessel approaching you with several thousand sеx-starved sailors on board. What would you do in this situation to avoid any problem?”
“I would attempt to turn my craft in the opposite direction,” stated the brunette.
“I would pass them, trusting my knife and a bottle of mace to keep me safe,” responded the redhead.
“Frankly” murmured the blonde, “I understand the situation, but I fail to see the problem.”

0 0

How do you confuse a blonde?...... put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in a corner.
This joke was posted by a blonde

0 0

A blonde goes into a sеx shop and asks the salesmen where the vibrators are and the sales man points to one of the walls so she walks over to them and she sees a very nice and big red one
She asks the sales man “How much is this one?”
He replies “It’s not for sale luv its a fire extinguisher”

0 0

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
The Blonde said, “So what? We are going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You cannot land on the sun, you fool!You will burn up!” said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, “We are not sтuрid, you know. We are going at night!”
====

0 0

Blonds are so sтuрid when you punch them on the arm they say
"Ow my knee!!!"

0 0

A guy walks up to a nice looking blonde girl and says "hey you wanna sсrеw me?" She replies:
"No i'm not a mechanic and I don't have a drill."

0 0

Why was the blonde so disappointed when she got her license?
She had gotten an F in sеx!

0 0

I was driving along when my blonde wife said, “What are those rumble strips on the road for?”
I said, “They’re to let blind driver’s know they’re coming up to a roundabout.”
She said, “That’s a good idea.”
Jesus…

0 0

After I won the local pub quiz last night two gorgeous blondes came over to me.
The first one said, “We find intelligent men incredibly hot and sеxy.”
The second blonde said, “Do you know what three way is?”
I replied, “Yes, it’s the name of the dog in Hart to Hart.”

0 0

One day a redhead mom walks into her daughter's room and finds a cigerret and says,
"Омg I didn't know my daughter smoked!" Then a burnette mom walks into her daughter's room and finds a вееr bottle and says' "I didn't know my daughter drank!" Then a blonde mom walks into her daughter's room and finds a соndом and yells, "I didn't know my daughter had a diск"!

0 0