Dark Humor Jokes

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This one dude in Michigan stabbed a lady in the head 17 times with a spoon. G**dамn, do you know how mad you've got to be at somebody to кill them with a spoon? Now with a spork you can mess somebody up, but a spoon?

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She had something like 'time out.' It was called 'knock out.'

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I wouldn't go to school. I thought all the kids at school were going to beat me up, which is absurd. They couldn't all beat me up -- someone had to hold me down.

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A guy was driving his truck along the interstate, when he admitted to his wife that he had sсrеwеd around on her. She proceeded to cut his реnis off with a hunting knife, and throw it out the window.
The реnis whizzed through the air and landed momentarily with a "SPLAT" on the windshield of the car behind, before sliding off. The little girl who was riding with her father yelled, "Daddy! Ew, what was that? I'm scared."
Her father said,
"Don't worry honey, it was only a bug."
His daughter said,
"Wow, that bug really had a huge d**k!"

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A friend of mine just died. He was 84 years old, died broke. At the funeral, everyone said, 'What a shame, he died penniless.' I don't know -- to me that sounds like perfect timing on a hеll of a budget.

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Why do orphans only like to play tennis?
It's the only place they get love

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Teacher: we are all writing poems today! emo: roses are black
Violets are black
My soul is black
Im going to кill myself

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Rap music is violent, man. Rappers getting killed left and right: Tupac, Notorious B. I. G. What's going on, man? They're killing the best rappers. I got news for you -- Vanilla Ice is still alive. I got his beeper number. Come on, Ice Cube, let's form a lynch mob and get his аss!

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Your specific reality depends on where your people come from, right? For example, Mexicans get shot trying to get into this country, Cubans get shot trying to get out of their own country, Puerto Ricans get shot just for trying to have a country.

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My first marriage ended in irreconcilable differences: attempted мurdеr. I took 'till death do us part too seriously there.

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There were two bears a black one and a brown one. They hated each other. One day a fairy came and gave both 3 wishes. They both asked for fame and family. The brown one asked for a million thousand dollars, and the black bear asked for the brown bear to die. He got his wish

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Fun Fact:
When you switch the words in the youtube url from you to red, the website changes colour

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These freeways are terrible, aren't they? I was on there the other day -- they just put in a drive-by shooting lane.

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I chose the tuba based on this theory: if you're not cool enough to be a cheerleader, make sure you're carrying something big enough to knock one on her аss.

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Why did Sally miss school
Her mom died

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What do you call a fish thats made of only 2 sodium atoms? 2 na

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What's a red bucket-like object?
A red bucket
What's a green bucket-like object?
A red bucket in disguise

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I'd love to have some sympathy for what happened to Michael Kennedy, but I can't because sometimes bad things happen to bad people. When you get away with having sеx with your 14-year-old babysitter, maybe you should hide from God for a little bit. Don't go tempting him by skiing and playing football at the same time.

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A group of kids go to jimmys house and knock on the door. The mom answers the door, the kids say " hey can jimmy come out side and play baseball?" The mom says "you know that jimmy has no arms and legs!" The kids say back " yeah! We what to use him as third base!"

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Press kickass if your going to stay in your room and go on your phone and sleep till 3pm this summer

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