Dirty jokes

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Asda have reported a 300% increase in cucumber sales since the book ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ was released.

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Dirty jokes

Little red riding hood was going to grandmas house. Little reds moms said,
"Watch out for the big bad wolf, because he'll pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red раnтiеs, and rаре your little red socks off". Little red pulls out a shotgun and says,
"Its ok mom I've got it". Liyyle red goes into the woods and finds the big bad wolf. He says," come here little girl so I can pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red раnтiеs, and rаре your little red socks off. Little red pulls out the shot gun and says," fuск you, im gonna pull up my little red dress, pull down my little red раnтiеs and your gonna eat me like in the real atory".

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Dirty jokes

Diскs are long
Dicks are hard
Lets get drunк And go to the bar
Have some fun
In our bed at last
Don't over do it
Or I'm gonna blast.
Shove it in Take it out.
Holy shiт...
That's what I'm talking about.

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Dirty jokes

There once was a farmer with 3 daughters. All three of his daughters were going on a date all on the same night ,so, with the farmer being protective of his daughters, he decided to meet their dates at the front door with a shotgun. The first boy showed up and said "Hi, My names Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to see a show. Is she ready to go?" The farmer aproved and sent them on their way. Then the second boy arrived and he said "Hi, My names Eddy, I'm here for betty. We're going to go eat spaghetti. Is she ready?" The farmer aproved and sent them on their way. Then the third boy arrived and her said "Hi my names Chuck-" And the farmer shot him.

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Dirty jokes

Boy:
- Puts head down-
Girl: What wrong?
Boy: You made me not want to eat booty
Ever again.
Girl: How?
Boy: You farted in my mouth
And it tasted like orange рее smells

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Dirty jokes

If this gets 999 kickasses, I will jеrк off in class.

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Dirty jokes

You close the door and shut the lights
So the feeling comes in right
You close you eyes and feel the lips
As they start to suск the tip
In a moment you'll hear a moan
That's when you realize it's not your own
You just don't know who it is
Is it your girlfriend?
No it can't be
You ask
Who is it?
Until you feel those pursing lips.
Through the darkness you can see
The outline of those curving hips
You just can't wait anymore
So you pull the lever to turn on the lights
You turn around
Oh shiт its Just Bieber

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Dirty jokes

They call me Captain Hook-Up! Yar!

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Dirty jokes

I have a fantasy, to sleep with 2 women... in the same year.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

Mum, I'm already 14, can't I finally get a вrа?
-
NO Timothy!

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Dirty jokes

My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:
“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”
Does anybody know what ‘ternative’ means?

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Dirty jokes Facebook Jokes

Boy: I will now make your virginity disappear!
*2 hours later*
Girl: I saw how you did that.
Boy: Ok, let me try again.

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Dirty jokes

The best thing about having a рrоsтiтuте die on you is that you get to have the 2nd hour for free

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Dirty jokes

One day a girl on the beach with no arms or legs was crying and a life guard saw here came up to here and asked "why are you crying?"
"Because I've never been hugged before" she said, he hugs her and goes on a few minutes later she's crying again another life guard see's her and asks "what's wrong?" she tells him "I've never been kissed before" he kisses her and goes on a few minutes later she's crying again another life guard see's her comes up to her and asks "what's wrong?" she tells him "I've never been f*cked before" so he picks her up throws her in the ocean and says "well you're f*cked now"

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Dirty jokes

Tough guy - your face looks so ugly,
Nerd - atleast my face doesn't look like it has eczema from all the hickeys.
Tough guy - yeah well your face still looks ugly Nerd - yeah just like ya motha Tough guy - errrrrr.........
Nerd - yeah just as I thought

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Dirty jokes

Did you hear about the new роrnо movie "star whоrеs". Its about a chick named princess lay-her . She gets banged all over the universe.

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Dirty jokes

Instead of sending diск pics I'm gonna start sending junk mail. It's pretty much the same thing only it sounds a little classier.

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Dirty jokes

I'm gonna miss Clinton, I really am. I don't care that he had affairs. It doesn't bother me. He's not sсrеwing my girlfriend. And even if he was, the economy's in great shape. I can't get another economy.

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Dirty jokes

Can I see your Brazilian? Goooaaalll!

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Dirty jokes

Adam was created first. That means there was a whole period of time where he's just hanging out by himself. There's no Eve yet. Now, did he have a реnis yet? Why would he? I think it came with Eve, like an accessory pack. 'Adam, I made you this woman, but you'll need this adapter.'

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes