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Dirty jokes

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Me: *watching a kdrama*
Bro: *takes 10 bananas to eat*
Me: Why do you gotta take all that..?
Bro: To make my diск longer! *smirks*
Me: Wтf-
- In school, at health class-
Teacher: Can someone raise their hand and tell me a fun fact about boys?
Me: *raises hand*
Teacher: Yes, go on.
Me: Boys eat bananas to make their diск longer...
Class: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Teacher: Lia, please sit back down, I'll need to see you after class!!
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Im not that good in algebra but I know that I+U=69
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This guy decides to join the Navy. On his first day aboard his assigned ship, he gets acquainted with all the facilities around the ship he will be serving on. The guy asks the sailor showing him around,
“Ah, um, what do you guys do here when you get really hоrny after months of being out at sea?”, to which the other sailor replies,
“Well, there is a barrel on the upper deck, just put your johnson through the side with the вunghоlе.”
Well, weeks pass, and the new guy is getting really hоrny and remembers the barrel. He climbs to upper deck and sees the barrel. He pulls his turgid manhood out and shoves it into the barrel, where a pair of warm lips encircle it. It is simply the best feeling he had ever experienced, truly a success!
After he was done, he zipped up and merrily walked away. Day after day, he takes advantage of the delights of the barrel.
One morning, he places Mister Happy in the barrel and nothing happens. He tries a few minutes later … nothing. A few minutes later there is a small but increasing lineup of sailors who also wish to use the “facility.”
Then, along comes the guy who originally told him about the barrel.
“That barrel really is great! But today, nothing is happening!”
To which the other crew member replies,
“Yeah, that’s because today is your turn in the barrel, all day.”
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I’m not saying my ex is a slаg but if c*cks could fly her mouth would be an airport.
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Did you hear about the gаy security guard who got fired from his job at the sреrм bank? He got caught drinking on the job.
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A boy asks his father, how do you spell vаginа?
The father says you should of asked me last night, I had it on the tip of my tongue.
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Yo' Mama is like McDonald's: over 90 billion served.
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What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hotel?
Nothing. They both specialize in serving out of town businessmen.
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What's the difference between a hоокеr and a woman with a cold? A woman with a cold blows her nose...
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Wanna play guns? Bend over and I'll соск you.
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I'm not saying she's a sluт, but if she advertised on tv, it would be called a nymphomercial.
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Why isn't there a pregnant barbie doll? Answer: Because Ken came in another box.
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Q. Why are women like cars?
A. Because sometimes you have to use a choke to get them going.
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Jack and your mom went up the hill to get a pale of water your mom forgot the pill now they have a daughter
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Real life:
Oh no, she's feint. Better help her...
Hentai/Роrn:
Oh no, she's feint. But that massive тiтs tho...
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A dog's еrестiоn looks exactly like lipstick, but it sure doesn't taste like it.
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Would you like some warm nuts?
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Q. What’s the only living оrgаn inside a corpse?
A. My dick
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She has a change of heart. She goes, 'OK, I'll have a three-way -- you, me and another girl -- but afterwards, you better seriously consider proposing to me.' So I said alright, sounded fair. So we had the three-way, and like a month later, she goes, 'Hey, aren't you gonna pop the question?' And I said, 'Hey, I gotta be honest with you. I'm not that comfortable marrying a lеsвiаn.'
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I was just vacationing in Amsterdam, where prostitution is legal. Let me rephrase that -- I was just vacationing in Amsterdam because prostitution is legal.
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