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Dirty jokes

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I came into a lot of money last week which is unusual for me… I normally uses tissues.
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Money jokes Dirty jokes
I guess I feel a little more mature. I'm not embarrassed going to a drug store anymore to buy a соndом. Although, the woman behind the counter said, 'Save your money; buy a lottery ticket.'
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Jokes about Women Money jokes Dirty jokes
A girl notices hair in between her legs, frightened, she asks her mom what it is. Her mom replies with "It's your monkey, and all monkeys grow hair." Later that day her family is having dinner and the girl looks at her sister and says,
" My monkey is already growing hair." And her sister responds, "Ha, mine is already eating bananas!
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Une jeune fille se rend compte qu’elle a des poils qui poussent entre ses jambes. 12 годишната Яна започват да и растат косми между краката и притеснено пита майка си. Майка и спокойно и обяснява, че това между краката и се казва маймунка и започва да и расте коса. На следващия ден на закуска Яна интусиазирано обяснява на кака си за маймунката и за това, че и расте коса.... Ein 12-jähriges Mädchen bemerkt, dass ihr zwei Haare zwischen den Beinen wachsen. Voller Sorge rennt sie zu Ihrer Mutter und erzählt ihr von den Haaren. Mit großer Gelassenheit erklärt die Mutter ihr, dass das zwischen ihren Beinen Affe genannt wird und dieser nun mal Haare bekommt. "Sei froh... Une fille à sa mère - Maman pourquoi j'ai des poils qui poussent entre les jambes ? - C'est normal c'est ton petit singe qui grandit. La petite fille va voir sa sœur et lui dit. - Tu sais j'ai mon petit singe qui grandit. - C'est bien le mien il mange déjà des bananes. Due bambine sotto la doccia: "Ehi, guarda la mia scimmietta ha già i peli!" e l'altra: "Ah, la mia invece già mangia le banane!" A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that... Zwei Mädchen begegnen sich vor dem Schwimmunterricht im Duschraum. Sagt die eine: "Hey, dein Äffchen hat ja schon Haare!" Sagt die andere: "Ja, und Bananen frisst es auch schon!" Zwei Mädchen unter der Dusche: "Hey, dein Äffchen hat ja schon Haare!" "Na und? Es frisst ja auch schon Bananen ..." Truusje komt aanlopen en zegt tegen haar moeder “Mam, ik krijg al een beetje haar op mijn kutje” Haar moeder schrikt op en zegt: “Truusje, dan mag je niet meer zeggen met die woorden. Je moet dan... Een tiener meisje komt thuis en zegt tegen haar moeder: 'Mam,er groeit haar op mijn kut'. Now, zegt de moeder, dat zeg je niet zo! Zeg maar;dat er haar op je aapje begint te groeien. Later op... Twee meisjes zitten samen op een bed.. Zegt de ene tegen de ander: "Kijk, mijn aapje krijgt al haren." Zegt de ander: "Dat is niks, mijn aapje eet al bananen..." DAUGHTER: Mum! MUM: Whats wrong? DAUGHTER: I am worried. MUM: Why are you? DAUGHTER: Hair is growing here (between my legs). MUM: Wow! that place where hair is growing is "monkey", so be proud... Annie zegt:mamma ik krijg haar op me pruim! Mamma:nee annie je moet dat zo niet zeggen dan zeg je ik krijg haar op me aapje Annie:ik wacht op mijn groetere zus en vertel het haar Komt de grote zus... Duas goratas passeano na praia de copacabana,uma delas perguntou p/ outra; — Aninha a minha macaca tá nascendo pelo; E aninha começou a rir.. E a outra sem entender pergunto a ela; — Aninha porque... Na net dus jovens conversam: — Ai fofa, sabia que minha macaca tá criando pelo. — É, idai, a minha já ta comendo banana. A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already... A little girl walks up to her mom and says my monkey is growing hair Later that day the little girl tells her older sister and here's the older sisters replie my monkey is already eating bananas... Certa vez, Mariazinha, chegou a sua mãe e disse: — - Mãe, sabia que ma minha macaca já tá nascendo pelinho? Nisso, sua irmã maior vem e diz: — - Novidade, a minha já tá comendo banana! Duas meninas tomando banho, olhou para a ..... Da outra e falou: — Minha macaquinha esta nascendo pelo... E a outra falou: — E a minha, já esta comendo banana. Tinha duas meninas tomando banho juntas Uma de 13 anos e a outra de 14 Ai a de 13 fala para a de 14: — Olha, a minha macaquinha já tá criando pelinho! Ai a de 14 fala: — E a minha já tá comendo... A menina Lucia estava no banho e tinha esquecido de pegar o sabonete,ai ela Grita bem alto:_Mãee me da o sabão. E a mãe da menina Lucia chega no banheiro com o sabonete e diz:_Nossa filha você ta... Uma vez, uma mae,ao ver a sua filha sair do banho, ele vai ate o quartu da filha e ao entrar e ela ve a manina pelada e diz: — Nossa filha, que "macaca" peluda! A filha rapidamente a responde: —... UM dia a mãe chegou e viu a filha na frente do espelho pelada e a mãe disse: — Nossa como sua macaca está cabeluda a filha disse: — Ela já está até comendo banana. A loira entava no quarto da filha emquanto entava trocando de roupa. E a mãe loira disse para a filha minha filha voçe esta com a macaquinha peluda. E ai a filha responde. Mãe voçe esta por fora... Sabe o que a garotinha de 12 anos falou pra de20 e a de 20 anos falou pra de 12? 12 anos: E minha macaquinha ta criando cabelo. A de 20: E a minha já ta comendo banana A mãe chega no quarto, encontra a filha pelada e diz: — Filha, a macaquinha está peluda,hein!? A filha faz uma cara e diz : — Xii... Mãe, chego atrasada ,a macaquinha já está até comendo banana. Duas amigas de 14 anos estavão tomando banho juntas, quando uma olhou para a outra mostrando sua piriquita, e disse toda cheia de orgulho: — Olha só, a minha macaca já está peluda!!! E outra logo... Duas adolescentes conversando: — Flavinha, a minha macaquinha já está ficando toda cabeluda! — Bobinha! A minha já está comendo banana!! Uma adolescente olha para outra e diz:Amiga a minha macaquinha já esta criando cabelo. A amiga responde:Isso não é nada, a minha já esta comendo banana. En jente var bekymret for at hun hadde fått hår mellom bena. Hun spurte moren om håret hennes. Moren hennes sa rolig: "Den delen hvor håret har vokst heter Monkey, vær stolt over at apen din har... Da jenta kom i puberteten gikk hun til sin mor å sa,; mamma jeg har fått hår nedentil!! Moren svarte,; vi kaller det å få hår på apekatten, sa moren Neste dag ved middagsbordet, sa jenta stolt til...
Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes
Why do white men stay with their women? They'll have a hard time trying to find another that likes little diскs.
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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes
Just decided to quit my job as a bartender at my local gаy club. I’m fed up of watching the world go bi.
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Dirty jokes
Why did santa get arrsested he called a woman a hое 3 times
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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes
A man goes to Japan for a week for a job. That night in his hotel room he thinks, I'm going to be here for a week, might as well get a hоокеr. When they start she starts yelling "Nagasaki hai!"
"Nagasaki hai!" he figures hes giving it to her good so her keeps going. next morning hes out golfing with his new Japanese boss, hes bored so he yells, "Nagasaki hai!" His boss looks at him and says,
"What do you mean wrong hole?"
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Тексасец на посещение в Япония си поръчва гейша за през нощта. Geschäftsmann in Japan Τάκα μάκα , τάκα μάκα ... A famous American golfer is invited to go to China for a golfing tournament. Un homme d'affaires américain se rend en France pour une réunion. They are going to play golf at the business meeting. The guy flies out there a day early. He's got all day in Japan so he decides he wants to get himself a geisha. He goes to a house of ill repute and finds what he's looking for. He takes her in back and starts doing his thing. The girl... De passagem por Tóquio, mesmo sem saber uma só palavra em japonês, o executivo brasileiro ainda assim conseguiu levar para o hotel uma garota que, por sua vez, só falava japonês. Na cama, o orgulho do nosso herói cresceu ainda mais, pois a garota não... Det stora lastfartyget lade till i en afrikansk stad. En av sjömännen som gick iland fick tag på en afrikansk skönhet, och det tog inte lång stund förrän de hamnade i säng. Under hela akten,... Ein Deutscher, der auf Geschäftsreise ist, schleppt in einer japanischen Disko eine kleine hübsche Japanerin ab. Als sie später in seinem Hotel „voll dabei“sind, da schreit das Mädchen ständig... Een zakenman gaat op reis naar Japan en na drie avonden alleen op zijn hotel kamer gezeten te hebben nodigt hij een dame van plezier uit. Hij gaat flink met deze dame aan de slag en op een gegeven... Un uomo, dopo un duro giorno di lavoro, decide che ha bisogno di un po’ di relax e decide di andare in una casa di appuntamenti. Non appena entrato la tenutaria gli dice: “Guardi che abbiamo una... An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word... Egy üzletember Japánba utazik, hogy új üzleteket találjon. Este, mivel unatkozik egyedül a hotelban, hív egy call-girl-t. A hölgy hamarosan megérkezik a szobájába, és rövidesen kellemes... En golftokig svensk hade tagit ledigt från spelandet ett tag för att resa ner till Tokyos glädjekvarter. Han hade hört att japanskorna var något alldeles speciellt och det dröjde inte heller länge... Een zakenman leert in een Japanse discotheek een knap japans meisje kennen. Ze gaan samen naar zijn hotelkamer en na een paar drinks gaan ze met elkaar naar bed. Tijdens de daad roept het meisje... Once there was a indian business man, anant. His boss was over in Japan at the moment and because there was a meeting he went over to Japan. Once he got there his boss sent him a key for a motel... Ένας επιτυχημένος επιχειρηματίας πάει στην Ιαπωνία για κάτι δουλειές. Φτάνει το απόγευμα και είχε την επόμενη μέρα ένα σημαντικό ραντεβού και μετά, σε περίπτωση που έκλεινε τη συμφωνία, μια παρτίδα...
Dirty jokes Men jokes Hotel Jokes
“I recall my first time with a соndом, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her вrа and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the соndом on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her раnтiеs and lay down on a desk.
‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that соndом on?’ she asked.
I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.
She fainted.”
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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes
Whats 6" long and 2" wide and drives wemon crazy? a $100 doller bill !!!
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Dirty jokes
My boyfriend and I had a deal: If this gets more than 30 kickass, he will be aloud to have sеx with me.
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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes
A boy goes to live with his grandparents. It seems the boy's grandma is always making food for the boy's grandpa. One morning the boy walks in on his grandpa enjoying a breakfast his grandmother made. The boy asks, "Can I have some of your bacon grandpa?"
The grandpa then asks the boy, "Can your diск reach your аss yet?" The boy says,
"No."
"Well there's your answer," he tells the boy.
Around lunch the boy asks for more food, and gets the same response. Then yet again at dinner, only to still get asked,
"Is your diск long enough to reach your аss yet?" And the boy still replies,
"No," and he knows he is not getting any food from his grandpa. Right before bed, the boys grandma bakes him some cookies. The boy's grandpa walks in and asks, "Hey those look like some mighty fine cookies boy. Can I have one?" The boy then gets a shiт eating grin on his face and asks, "Is your diск long enough to reach your аss yet?" The boy's grandpa replies,
"Why yes it is," with a sense of pride. The boy tells his grandpa, "Good, go fuск yourself, grandma made these cookies for me.
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Food Jokes Dirty jokes
Bully:
"Sees a fат kid eating pork"
Bully: Hey fат kid! You are so filled with wet pork. Fат Kid: You now why your mother became fат last night?
Bully: No?
Fat Kid: Last night, I was filling your mother until full.
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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Fat Jokes
Lady walks into a Doctor's clinic
Doctor: May I num your вrеаsтs?
Woman: Yes you may.
Doctor: Okay, Num Num Num Num Num Num.
(This joke is derived from a Robin Williams Movie, R I P !! )
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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes
I got a massage today, which was pretty cool, you know. Except they gave me a man, which was a little weird, you know what I mean? At one point I was like, 'Is it normal to get an еrестiоn?' He goes, 'Sure.' I said, 'Well, can you get it out of my face?'
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Dirty jokes Men jokes
Annoying guy: *Grabs a wotsit*
Annoying guy: This resembles your colour
Asian guy: It resembles you as well
Annoying guy: I'm not an Asian you prick
Asian guy: I wasn't talking about your colour, I was talking about your dick
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Dirty jokes
Boy and Girl: Uh.... uh.... yeah..... ahh...... Mom: (knocks on door)
Boy: I'm сuммing!
Mom: Ok I'll be downstairs.
Boy:
- _-
Girl: ОМG Calm ur diск!
Mom: (Opens door)
Boy and Girl: :O
Mom: ............ WTF
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Dirty jokes
If you jingle my bells, I can promise you a white christmas.
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Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes
Two hot women, a blond and a brunette, went into a x-rated movie theater.
Ten minutes into the movie, the blond tells her friend, "I can't believe this, the guy next to me is jerking off! What should I do?"
The brunette keeps staring at the movie screen and says,
"Just ignore him."
The blond says,
"I can't. He's using my hand."
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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes
I would rather cuddle then have sеx. If you're good with grammar, you'll get it.
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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes
One day, a mother and her daughter were walking through the park and came across two teens having sеx. The daughter asks the mom, "Mommy, what are they doing?" After thinking for a moment, the mom replies "They are making cakes, sweetie."
The next day, the mother and her daughter are walking through the zoo and they see two monkeys having sеx, and the daughter asks again, "Mommy, what are they doing?" and the mother replies again, "They are making cakes, sweetie."
A few days later, the daughter walks into the kitchen and asks her mom, "Mommy? Were you and daddy making cakes in the living room last night?" and the mother replies hesitantly, "erm... yes hunny, we were." The daughter says,
"Oh, okay, because i licked the icing off the couch!"
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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes
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