My doctor told me that I had Hepatitis BWhen I told my Asian dad, he said,"Why you no get Hepatitis A?" 0 0 0
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch. 0 0 0
What medical condition does a person have if the shoot all the bullets out the mag, then tries to shoot the enemy and forgets he shoot all the bullets. Ammoneisa. 0 0 0
Lately I've been trying to touch my toes, which I don't find so complicated, but my knees just can't get it straight. 0 0 0
My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out. 1 0 0
I think you know when you have to go on a diet: when you go bungee jumping, and you pull the bridge down with you. 0 0 0
A woman goes to a doctor named Dr. Wong. "Doctor, I can't get a date, no one will go out with me." In a very thick Asian accent, Dr. Wong says,"Take off clothes and get on all four hands and knees." She does. "Now crawl to wall." She does so and looks back at him. "I know what wrong." “What is it Doctor! What do I have?""You have Ed Zachary disease.""Ed Zachary disease? What is that?!""You face look Ed Zachary like you аss!" 0 0 0
I went to the doctor yesterday because I was having strange dreams.Told the doc that one night I dreamed I was a wigwam and the next night I dreamed I was a teepee.Doc told me to relax. I’m just two ‘tents’! 0 0 0
I went out and bought some kit at the hardware store to test for the radon. I put it in my cellar for, like, two days, and then I mailed it back to the lab. They sent me a letter that said, 'Get the hеll outta there.' It didn't come normal U. S. mail -- some guy in a spacesuit chucked a brick through my window. 0 0 0
Το στυλό Carabiniere telefona al dottore: "Dottore, corra subito, il maresciallo si e' ingoiata la penna!". Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son." Przychodzi baba do lekarza: - Panie doktorze, mój syn połknął ołówek. - To niech pisze długopisem. En man ringde till läkaren: – Du måste hjälpa mig. Min son har svalt en bläckpenna! – Okej, jag skickar ambulans. Det tar ca 20 minuter innan de kommer fram. – Vad ska jag göra under tiden? –... Jan komt bij de dokter en zegt: dokter, dokter! ik heb een potlood ingeslikt! De dokter zegt: tja jantje dan moet je voortaan maar met een pen schrijven! Sara. - "Dottore,dottore... Il maresciallo si è ingoiato la stilo" - "E ora? che fate?" - "Per ora scriviamo con la matita!" - Hallo, vai ātrā palīdzība? Mans bērns ir norijis pildspalvu! - Tūlīt izbraucam! - Bet ko man darīt līdz jūsu atbraukšanai? - Nū…pagaidām rakstiet ar zīmuli. - Γιατρέ, κατάπια ένα στυλό. Τι να κάνω; - Να χρησιμοποιείτε μολυβί. Γιατρέ μου, βοήθεια. Η κόρη μου κατάπιε ένα στυλό! Δεν πειράζει, γράψτε με μολύβι… ! Doctor my son swallowed my pen, what do I do?Use a pencil until I get there. 0 0 0
This suntan lotion is confusing me. When I left about 10 years ago to move to New York, the highest suntan lotion number was 15. I get back -- you know what it is now? -- 45. A flannel shirt is about 30. Who's this for -- vampires? If you need 45, give up. You've been beaten genetically. You don't need lotion; you need a sleeping bag and a dark basement. Have a check-up, maybe you're a mole. You don't have skin; you have film. 0 0 0