Medical and Doctor Jokes

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Доктор: Лекар към пациент: Urologe zum Patienten: „Ich werde Sie jetzt rektal untersuchen und möchte Sie darüber aufklären, dass es dabei meist zu einer spontanen Erektion kommt. Das ist völlig normal und nicht weiter... “Don’t worry, getting an erection at this stage of the process is perfectly typical,” my doctor advised as he prepared me for the colonoscopy exam procedure. “I don’t have an erection,” I... Un gars consulte un médecin pour des problèmes de prostate. Le médecin lui annonce qu’il va devoir lui faire un  toucher rectal, et lui demande de baisser son pantalon et son slip. Puis, il lui... During my prostate exam, the doctor told me it was completely normal to get an erection. When I pointed out I didn't have one he said he wasn't talking about me.
Η δεύτερη γνώμη! Психиатъра ми ми каза, че съм луда. A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says: Жена отива на лекар и той й казва: Doctor: You're obese. Un señor va al médico porque se encuentra muy mal. Tras una exploración, el doctor le comenta: Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical. After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following: "Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old. There is however, only one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese. I would strongly... Vous avez un cancer du foie et c'est incurable. - Docteur, comme vous y allez, j'aimerais avoir un deuxième avis. - En plus, vous êtes moche. Depois de avaliar os exames de seu paciente o médico lhe dá uma notícia nada boa: — Lamento informar mas o senhor tem poucos meses de vida! — Não! não! Eu quero uma segunda opinião! — Então tá:... Arzt: "Sie sind stark übergewichtig." Patient: "Uff. Da hätte ich gern eine zweite Meinung." Arzt: „Hässlich sind Sie auch.“ - Κύριε μου, είστε υπερτασικός. - Γιατρέ μου μπορώ να έχω και μια δεύτερη γνώμη ? - Βεβαίως! Είστε και άσχημος. El médico le dice a su paciente: Señor, lamento decirle que usted tiene un cáncer terminal. El paciente indignado le responde: No puede ser, exijo una segunda opinión. El médico amablemente le... Er komt een man bij de dokter. Hij voelt zich zo rottig. De dokter onderzoekt hem en komt tot de conclusie dat de man geen drie weken meer heeft te leven. De man is eerst nogal beduusd, maar zegt... A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it. Doctor: Your tonsils have to come out. Patient: I wanna second opinion. Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too. Un tip se duce la doctor să afle ce e în neregulă cu el. - Problema dumneavoastră este că sunteţi gras, îi spuse doctorul. - Aş vrea şi o a doua opinie, spuse tipul. - Bine, sunteţi şi urât, îi... My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”