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Did you hear about the cannibal who kept getting stomach aches? He went to the 'good witch doctor' who couldn't figure out what was wrong. He gave the cannibal a medicine and sent him home.
The next day the cannibal came back to the witch doctor and complained of cramps and pains. The witch doctor asked him a bunch of questions and could not figure out what was wrong. As a last resort, the witch doctor asked the cannibal if he had eaten anything strange. The cannibal replied "No."
"Well, what are you eating?" the witch doctor asked.
"The usual," replied the cannibal, "You know just a couple of those Missionaries every now and then."
"Missionaries?" replied the witch doctor. "Just how do you cook them?" he asked.
"The normal way" answered the cannibal as he described the technique. "I boil a lot of water in the big рот, add a little seasoning, a few herbs and vegetables" he further related.
Well, that sounded right to the witch doctor so he pressed a little further. "So, describe these missionaries to me?" he asked.
"Well," replied the cannibal, "you know the ones, they wear those brown robes, wear those sandals on their feet, and they have that bald spot on top of their head."
"THAT'S IT!" exclaimed the witch doctor, "That's your problem! Those are friars... not boilers!!!"
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk….. The Receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?”
“There’s something wrong with my fсuкing diск”, he replied.
The Receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”
“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” he said.
The Receptionist replied; “Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.”
The man replied, “You shouldn’t вlооdy well ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.”
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, “Yes??”
“There’s something wrong with my ear”, he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. “And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??”
“I can’t fсuкing рiss out of it,” he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better.’
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
“So what do you think about that Doc?”
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
“I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.”
One day he was setting off to go hunting.
In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.”
“As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male веаvеr sitting at the water’s edge..
He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘ваng, ваng’.”
“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the веаvеr fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that веаvеr.”
The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”