Food Jokes

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Customer:
"Waiter, this soup tastes funny."
Waiter:
"Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"

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Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.

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What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner?
Cow chow.

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Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic sтriр characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles.
In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy. They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't.
The flight attendant said,
"Sorry, but we don't serve PEANUTS on this flight."

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I went to a middle school dance back in the day.
It was kinda lame, looking back on it. The music was bad, they ran out of food, and there wasn’t even a punch line.

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The following conversation took place in the palace of the supreme leader of North Korea.
Kim Jong Un: Nuke the Chinese.
Adviser: No problem your excellency, missiles will be launched in 3 minutes.
Kim Jong Un: I was talking about microwaving some food you idiот.

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Q. What's a shark's favorite sandwich?
A. Peanut butter and jellyfish!

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What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!

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What did the farmer call the соw that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure.

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I’d like to leave you ladies and gentlemen with this frightening fact: I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I’m not sure about you people, but I think we’re being overcharged on groceries.

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My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge.
But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.

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Does running out of a burning barn make a соw unusual?
No, only medium rare.

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Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!

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A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has!
She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina??
She replies; he is a carpenter miss.
The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question... The child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain.
Very good indeed says miss.......... She turns to the next child and says.
What job does your daddy have Robert??
He replies... He's a male рrоsтiтuте miss; and demands 50 quid.
No,No,No your lying to me Robert i can tell!
Ok then miss you got me i confess.........................................
He plays rugby for england but im to ashamed to say!!!

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Two old timers were talking after church one day and the one asks the other, "So tell me brother, what did you think of the soul food this morning?" The other replies,
"The food was excellent but the service suскеd!"

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What is Jared Fogle's favorite item on the prison food menu?
Cheese pizza

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Chuck Norris can eat rice with one chop stick.

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The president of Mexico back, in the 80’s, locked in the entire senate one good day.
“No one leaves till we have a solution to our crumbling economy!!”
3 days they discussed plans, but to no avail.
Finally, on day 4, one congressmen stands up and excitedly announces he has a plan!!!
“We’ll declare war on the USA.” he announced
“WHY would we want to do THAT?” asked the shocked president.
“Well,” explained the young man, “then they’ll invade us and we will become THEIR problem. We”ll be added to their welfare, the food stamps, the unemployment…see????”
The room exploded with men and women agreeing with the plan, but the President looked unconvinced…
“What is wrong with the plan?” asked the Vice president
“Well… it is all fine and good… but what happens if we win??

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How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.

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Why did the horses kept saying orange juice?
Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!

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