Friendship Jokes

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Three men walked into the bar to see how much it would take to get them drunк. Man number one reached his limit and passed out at 6 drinks. The other two men laughed at him and stole his money and clothes and threw him in the alley thinking how funny it would be for him when he wakes up. The two men continued the battle, drink after drink they continued all night. Finally, the nакеd guy in the alley woke up 12 hours later. He was quite upset and streaked into the bar to try to find the whereabouts of his friends. They were still drinking and not giving up. The first man approached them about what they did to him and asked why they still continued to drink. They said they used up all his money and sold his clothes to continue the match and would not let the other do the same to him when he passed out, so they felt they had to keep going all night. All of a sudden, the first man yells, look out, it's your wives! They jumped out of their clothes from fright and passed out on the floor. The first man said to himself, "suckers! That was fake money in my pocket. But these credit cards sure look real."
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An Antartian was driving home on the freeway after work when she was hit by a hailstorm that left her car completely dented all over. She decided to go to a body shop and asked the owner how much he would charge to remove the dents. Seeing that she was an antartian, he winked at his partner, and told her it wouldn't cost anything if she followed his instructions carefully.
She drove home and when her antartian roommate came out of the house she found her friend sitting on the ground at the back of the car blowing really hard in the tail pipe.
"What on earth are you doing" she asked.
Her friend looking up with big smile and a black ring around her mouth said "The man at the body shop told me that I could save a lot of money on repair work if I blew really hard into the tail pipe. he said that all the dents would pop out"
"Daaahhh" said her friend, "but first you have to roll up all the windows!!!"
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There were two secretaries that worked at this very large company. They didn’t know one another very well, but were friendly at work.
It was vacation time and they stood before the vacation schedule to see when they had time off. They noticed that their vacation days were the same.
Both were single, so after discussing their plans, they decided they could save money on a trip by going together.
They chose an exotic island getaway and on the way there, they soon discovered all they had in common. After a long flight, they checked into their single bedroom and decided to call it a night.
As they lay in bed, the one girl leaned close to the other, placed her arm around her seductively and said, “I really need to tell you Something and I’m going to be frank..”
Suddenly, the other girl rose up and said, “NO, I want to be Frank!”
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A man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big passionate kiss, says she’ll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, ‘Who the hеll was that?’
‘Oh,’ replies the husband, ‘that’s my mistress.’
‘Well, that’s the last straw,’ says the wife. ‘I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.’
‘I can understand that,’ replies her husband, ‘but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don’t get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus’s in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.’
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous ваве on his arm.
‘Who’s that woman with Jim?’ asks the wife.
‘That’s his mistress,’ says her husband.
‘Ours is much prettier,’ she replies.
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One day, while strolling down the boardwalk, I bumped into an old friend of mine, Rob, from high school. “You look great Rob, how do you stay looking so young? Why you must be at least 65 already but you don’t look a day over 40!” I exclaimed.
“I feel like I’m 40 too!” replied Rob.
“That’s incredible,” I said, “Does it run in the family? How old was your dad when he passed?”
“Did I say he was dead?” asked Rob. “He’s 81 and is more active than ever. He just joined the neighborhood basketball team!” responded Rob.
“Whoa! Well, how old was your Grandfather when he died?”
“Did I say he died” asked Rob. “He just had his 105th birthday and plays golf and goes swimming each day! He’s actually getting married this week!"
“Getting married?!” I asked. If he’s 105, why on earth does he want to get married?!
Rob looked at me, smiled, and replied, “Did I say he wanted to?”
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