Friendship Jokes

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Two women friends met after many years.
"Tell me," said one, "What happened to your son?"
"My son? the poor, poor lad!" sighed the other. "What an unfortunate marriage he made to a girl who won't do a stitch of work in the house. She won't cook, she won't sew, she won't wash or clean. All she does is sleep and loaf and read in bed. The poor boy even has to bring her breakfast in bed, would you believe it?"
"That's really awful!"
"And what about your daughter?"
"Ah, now she's the lucky one! She married an angel. He won't let her do anything in the house. He has servants to do the cooking and sewing and washing and leaning. And each morning he brings her breakfast in bed, would you believe it? All she does is sleep for as long as she wishes and spends the rest of the day relaxing and reading in bed."
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Three men were waiting at Heaven’s Gate.
St. Peter says, ‘Okay, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe.’
So they all agree and are admitted in.
The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth.
Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.
The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is.
Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.
So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man.
The first two guys say in unison, ‘How did you end with that ваве when we get stuck with these nasty women?’
He nudges the ваве and says, ‘Tell them.’
She says to the first two guys, ‘I lied.’
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Meet Shane, the Greatest Walmart Employee...
1. Shane, Quit offering extended Warranties on the fried chicken----Management
2. Shane, stop asking "Is that your final answer?" and offering to let them phone a friend after each order----Management
3. Shane, Quit putting price tags on the Deli equipment and trying to sell them to customers---Management
4. Shane, stop implying Walmart keeps the "Good Stuff" in the back----Management
5. Shane, I don't know what "Swinecraft" is but ham cannot be sold as a building material---Management
6. Shane, THE DELI IS NOT an appropriate setting to practice your ventriloquism, please stop making puppets out of the paper bags-----Management
7. Shane, STOP putting "Stoner Approved" seals on the fried chicken----Management
8. Shane, STOP putting out samples labeled as "Mystery Meats"----Management
9. Shane, STOP putting "Some assembly required" stickers on the 8-piece chickens----Management
10. Shane, any FREE samples you offer must come from the deli department, not from electronics------ Management
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