Friendship Jokes

Visiting his parents’ retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk.
Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. After a while, Tim’s father returned from his walk and called out, "I’m ready to leave."
Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You’re a kid?"

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An engineering student was walking across campus with a shiny new mountain bike when he was approached by a friend, also an engineering student. The friend said, “Hey, where’d you get the great looking bike?”
The first engineer replied, “Well, i was walking across campus the other day. This beautiful woman rode up to me on her bike, ripped off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and said ‘Take anything you want!!!'”
The second engineer replied, “Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit anyway!”

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Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes

My friends all got really into that show 'The Deadliest Catch.' But I never watched it 'cause I always just assumed it was about AIDS. It's about сrавs. Don't tune in looking for that 'Big AIDS Hour.'

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Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

Two friends are driving in a car. Phil, from the passenger seat, is yelling instructions.
"You idiот! You were supposed to turn left!"
"Make a U-Turn now! You're going to get lost!"
"OK then, merge left onto the freeway."
"Duммy, you missed the freeway! Now it's going to take forever to get where you're going!" You're hopeless!
"Say, Phil, what's up with that ornery voice?"asks Tom, from the driver seat.
"Sorry, Tom, that's my GPS-WAAS talking."
"What's a GPS-WAA?"
"GPS With An Attitude!"

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Friendship Jokes

Occasionally, a true friend gives his paw not his hand...

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

Do I get a little jealous when my single friends come to me with wild stories about exotic nights with strippers? Sure, but at the same time look at all these model ships I've been able to build.

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Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Single People Jokes

I knocked on my neighbours door and said, “My son was just about to cut the grass but he can’t seem to operate the lawnmower properly, could I borrow yours?”
“Yeah, sure” he replied.
I said, “Great, tell him to hurry up, I’ve got friends coming round for a barbecue in an hour.”

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Masturbation jokes Friendship Jokes

Got an iPad from my Chinese friend…
Nothing beats homemade gifts.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Friendship Jokes

The doctor was on his daily round of the mental asylum and had just entered the room of two of his long term patients. One was sawing imaginary wood into hundreds of pieces and the other was hanging upside down from the ceiling.
“What are you doing?” the doctor asked the first man.
“I’m sawing wood,” he said, “isn’t that obvious?”
“Well, what’s your friend doing?”
“Oh, don’t mind him, he thinks he’s a lightbulb.”
“Don’t you think you should help him down before all the blood rushes to his head?” continued the doctor.
“What!” exclaimed the man, “and work in the fuскing dark!”

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

My friend: you where a mistake your parents didn't want a kid like you!
Me: well at least I wasn't born on a interstate where accidents happen!!!!!
Other friends: OHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIT!

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

Q. Why is the реnis the saddest part of the human body?
A. Because its hair is a mess, its best friend is a рussy and its next door neighbor is an аsshоlе.

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Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

I look down, I see this big dog sitting there licking himself, like dogs do. I turn to my friend, I say, 'I wish I could do that.' He said, 'Go over and pet him, maybe he'll let you.'

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

Don't tell a lot about yourself, behind your back will tell more interestingly about you.

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Friendship Jokes

Inflation is creeping up,” a young man said to his friend. “Yesterday I ordered a $25.00 steak in a restaurant and told them to put it on my American Express card - and it fit.”

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Men jokes Friendship Jokes

I don't know if you can tell by my overall vibe, I am a friendly fellow. I'm the kind of guy that likes to get to the airport a couple hours early, get a few white wines in me and start telling old people they still got it.

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Friendship Jokes

Two guys are in a car. The driver comes to a stoplight and goes right through it. His friend says,
" What are you doing." The driver says,
" Its ok my brother does it all the time." They come up to another stoplight and they go right through. His friend says, “You are out of your mind.” The driver says, “Its ok my brother does it all the time.” They come up to a green light and he stops. His friend says, “Its green, go.” Driver says, I can’t my brother might be coming!

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Friendship Jokes

OK, this friend of mine asked me to go camping during my two week vacation. Camping - that’s the dumbest vacation I ever heard of in my life. What? I’m gonna work all year so I can go out and pretend I’m homeless?

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Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Friendship Jokes

My friend who is very small, told me he was pick pocketed. I was shocked, I never thought somebody could stoop so low…

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Friendship Jokes

The sheep were standing around talking to each other and discussing life as usual when suddenly they hear a "mooooooooooo".
They look around and see only sheep. They carry on grazing as before. "Mooooo, moooooo, mmmooo!"
One sheep can hear it all too clearly next to him. He shuffles away a little from his friend, a worried look on his face and then asks, "George, why are you mooing? You’re a sheep. Sheep go 'baa!'"
His friend replies gladly, "I know, I thought I would learn a foreign language!"

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

I've seen this at the Big N' Tall store, a pair of pants in a size 50w/30l. Friend, when your pant size is also a motor oil viscosity, I think there's a need for redirection in your diet program.

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Friendship Jokes Fat Jokes