Good jokes

Most popular in this category

On paper, communism sounds like a pretty good idea.
Unless what you’re reading is an actual history book.

0 0

Good jokes

Why is the hour-hand on a clock usually somewhat thicker?
Less movement.

0 0

Good jokes

How did the copper wire come about?
Two Scotsmen couldn’t agree whose penny it was.

0 0

Good jokes

“I have a weakness for you,” she said to the little baby, stroking its smooth cheek.
“And I have social anxiety.”
“And I acne,” joined in the other two fairy godmothers gathered around the crib.

0 0

Good jokes

Why was Adam the happiest guy ever?
Because Eve didn’t have a mother.

0 0

Good jokes

A pessimist sees he’s gone bald.
An optimist sees he’s greatly improved his aerodynamic qualities.

0 0

Good jokes

A venomous snake bites a guy.
His friend screams, “Oh no, you’ve only got 10 minutes to live! This is a brutally venomous snake!”
The guy says, “Ok, call the doctor and make it bite me again and again so I can gain some time!”

0 0

Good jokes

Two neighbors are talking:
The first one says, “Joe, you really need to get yourself some curtains. I could see everything you were doing with your wife yesterday.”
The second one replies, “And you really need to get yourself some glasses. That was your wife.”

0 0

Good jokes

Our marriage is – over.
Our marriage is what?
Never give Walkie-Talkies as wedding gift!

0 0

Good jokes

Chuck Norris don't use pick-up lines. He only says, “Come!”

0 0

Good jokes

Little Johnny’s already been expelled from many schools because of his bad marks and mean behavior. His dad is out of his wits and finally decides to put him in a catholic school. And all of a sudden, Little Johnny starts bringing home straight As and glowing behavior reports. His daddy is shocked and asks him what changed.
“You know dad,” says Little Johnny, “I come to our classroom – there’s a guy nailed to the wall. I go to another room – a guy nailed to the wall. Third room – same, a guy nailed to the wall. Dad, they’re not messing about there!”

0 0

Good jokes

Моsеs was leading his people across the dessert to the promised land for 40 years.
This was possibly the start of the saying that men refuse to stop and ask for directions.

0 0

Good jokes

The next time you go out with your friends into a fancy bar, just yell, “The next round is on myself.” Some idiот will shout, “No, it's on me!”

0 0

Good jokes

I bought a universal remote control today. I’m kind of afraid of myself now…

0 0

Good jokes

Two colleagues are coming back from lunch, taking a short cut through a back alley, when suddenly they’re stopped by a masked robber with a gun who demands all their money or their life.
They both get out their wallets without protests, when one of them gasps, “Jimbo, I completely forgot that I still owe you 100 dollars! There you go!”

0 0

Good jokes

HR lady asks an applicant, “If you fast forward five years into the future, where do you see yourself, Mr. Ingram?"
Mr. Ingram nods, "To be very honest, I think listening is definitely my weakest spot."

0 0

Good jokes

Doctor smiles at his patient, “That cough of yours sounds much better now, Mr. Pickett.”
Mr. Pickett looks at him darkly, “No wonder it does, I was practicing a lot.”

0 0

Good jokes

A boy is getting desperate with a girl he has a crush on:
“What can I give you so you would allow me to kiss you?!”
“A full narcosis.”

0 0

Good jokes

Yo girl, I put sеxy in dyslexia!

0 0

Good jokes

A new guy comes in a dorm late in the evening with his luggage and a buddy shows him around.
They come to a large gong in the hallway and the new guy asks what it’s doing there. “That’s a talking clock,” explains the buddy. “How so?”
“Let me demonstrate,” says the buddy and bangs the gong loudly.
In a second, a voice comes from one of the rooms, yelling, “Are you out of your head you rестuм-faced orang-utan?! It’s nearly midnight!”

0 0

Good jokes