Irish jokes - Page 6

Раddy says to his mate:
“When I had that vasectomy thing I thought it would stop the wife from getting pregnant, but all it’s done is change the feckin’ colour of the baby”!

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Irish jokes

Two irish pilots flying An Air Fungus jet on final approach at Cork Airport.
First pilot said:
“Bejesus! Look how short this runway is.”
Second pilot said:
“Yes, but look how fuking wide it is!”

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Irish jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

Раddy:
“Would you like to buy my dog?”
Mick :
“What kind is it?”
Paddy:
“It’s a Dalmatian.”
Mick :
“Is it clean?”
Paddy:
“Spotless.”

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Irish jokes

Into a Belfast pub comes Раddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s walking with a limp.
What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.
Jamie O’Connor and me had a fight,” says Раddy.
That little sоd, O’Connor,” says Sean, “He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”
“That he did,” says Раddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.”
“Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself. Didn’t you have something in your hand?”
“That I did,” said Раddy. “Mrs. O’Connor’s вrеаsт, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.”

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Irish jokes

Раddy says “Мiск, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador.”
“Sоd that” says Мiск “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”

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Irish jokes

Раddy was walking through a town one day when he saw a shop with a notice in the window. The notice said “We sell everything”. Раddy could not believe this so he went inside. He walked to the counter and asked the salesperson, “Do you really sell everything?” The salesperson said “Yes, everything”.
Thinking this was too good to be true Раddy said “OK then could I have a jumper for a chicken?”. The salesperson said “A jumper for a chicken?, hold on I will have to check the stock out the back”. Five minutes later, the salesperson returned with a brown paper bag. “Here you go, one jumper for a chicken”
“How much?” asked Раddy.
“Three quid.” replied the salesperson.
“Three quid for a jumper for a chicken - excellent.” said Раddy. So away he went as happy as larry. When he got outside he thought to himself that maybe he was done, so he looked inside the bag. At the bottom of the bag was a соndом.
He was mad and stormed back into the shop. He screamed at the sales person “Hey, I asked you for a jumper for a chicken and you have given me a соndом - what’s going on?”
The salesperson replied, “Sorry mate, I checked in the back and we seem to be all out of jumpers for chickens, all we had was a pullover for a соск.”

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Irish jokes

The Irish reckon they’ve solved their energy problem, they imported 100 million tons of sand from Saudi Arabia, and are going to drill for their own oil..

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Irish jokes

I can make you speak Irish
Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly

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Irish jokes

How many shots can an Irish man handle?
About 10 rounds.
Edit: (Mayweather vs McGregor)

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Irish jokes

Why are there no Irish lawyers?
They can't pass the bar.

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Irish jokes Lawyer Jokes

What’s better: Russian jokes or Irish jokes?
Russian jokes.
Irish jokes are usually O’ffensive

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Irish jokes

Why are the Irish so rich?
Their capital is always Dublin. Hehe

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Irish jokes

Why are Irish bankers so successful?
Because their capital's always Dublin.

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Irish jokes Banker Jokes

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
Sorry

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Irish jokes Italian Jokes Grandparent Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes.
What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea

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Irish jokes

An Irishman is walking down the street one night when a hоокеr approaches him.”Hey,” she says “d”ya fancy a bit of this?”She lifts up her skirt to reveal crotchless knickers and her fаnny.”Fuск that!” says the раddy. “Have you seen what its done to your knickers?”

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Irish jokes

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. …
…
He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely rареd by a dozen whоrеs than let liquor touch my lips.” …
…
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Irish jokes Aviation Jokes

An Irish man won £6 million the lottery.
He rang camelot and they informed him that they were having problems at the minute and could only pay him £500,000 this week £500,000 next week, £500,000 the week after until it was all paid off.
The Irish man replies ‘listen if you’re going to fuск me about I want my £1 back’

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Men jokes Irish jokes

Раddy and Murphy walking down the road.
Paddy finds a mirror, looks at it and says, “I’m sure I’ve seen this man before!” and then passes it to Murphy.
Murphy then says, “You sтuрid тwат that’s me!”

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Men jokes Irish jokes

Joe is walking along a dark street at night when he hears a lot of laughter and shouting from an Irish bar across the road. Joe thinks, “Hmm…never been in an Irish bar before and I am bored and lonely. I’ll go check it out.” In he walks, amidst hoots of laughter. He looks up at a stage in the center of the room and sees a man going to the microphone.
He taps the microphone twice and says “42”. Everyone bursts out laughing and he walks off the stage.
Another man comes up and yells 68! The crowd laughs louder still! A third man walks up and shouts 12!!
Joe is quite confused by now so he finds the manager and asks, “Why does everyone laugh when they are only calling out numbers?”
“Well,” says the Manager, “we got tired of saying the same jokes over and over again so we assigned them numbers so each number called out is a joke.”
“Ohh,” said Joe. “Am I allowed a go then?”
“Sure!” the manager exclaimed, So up on to the stage went Joe and yelled at the top of his voice “168”.
The patrons laughed so loudly the room shook. They carried him off the stage and bought him a few drinks.
After that, he went to the manager and asked, “Why was my joke so funny?”
The manager was still chuckling but he said, “Achh…Well, they haven’t heard that one before!!”

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