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Раddy is walking down the Blackpool prom one day and he sees a mother вrеаsт feeding her baby boy. … Раddy stops to speak to the mother. “That’s what I like to see natural вrеаsт-feeding, I was raised on that.” The young mother tells Раddy to clear off. Раddy continues, “No seriously I was raised on the stuff, look at me, tall, lots of muscles, and really fit, looking at the baby вrеаsт feeding takes me back to me childhood”, he pauses…., “can I try вrеаsт feeding on the other вrеаsт”. …
…
The young mother says again, “Get away with ye, Раddy”. Раddy says convincingly “You’ve got plenty of вrеаsт milk for baby, and he doesn’t need the other вrеаsт.”
The young mother looks and Раddy and thinks, well he is good looking, fit and lots of muscle, “Come over here Раddy and you can get on the other вrеаsт”. Раddy begins suскing on the other вrеаsт. After five minutes or so, the young woman has become more relaxed and is starting to get aroused. Panting slightly, she lies back and whispers to Раddy:
“Раddy ….. is there anything else you want ?”
Paddy asks “err…. Have you got any Farley’s Rusks or a ваngеr?”
An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church.
‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession. I had sеx with Fаnny Green twice last month.’
The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s.’
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. ‘Father,
It has been two months since my last confession. I’ve had sеx with Fаnny Green twice a week for the past two months.’
This time, the priest questioned, ‘Who is this Fаnny Green?’
‘A new woman in the neighborhood,’ the sinner replied.
‘Very well,’ sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary’s.;
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon,
A tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary.
The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, ‘Is that Fаnny Green?’
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn’t believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, ‘No Father, I think it’s just a reflection from her shoes’
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?”
Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not, Muldoon; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.”
Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Would ya’ be thinkin’ €5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”
Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?”
Раddy and Murphy chatting about wanking. Murphy asks Раddy if he’s ever had a вlоw job off the vacuum. Раddy thinks for a second and replies, “No, never!”that night, Раddy’s got sеx on the mind, looks over at the vacuum and recalls Murphy’s question and thinks…. fuск it! why not? He plugs the vac in, turns it on and sticks his соск in only to be met with the most excruciating pain. Раddy quickly switches it off, runs out to his car with it still hanging from his соск and races to Murphy’s house. He bangs on the door and Murphy opens it, Раddy shouts “Murphy you Ваsтаrd, I tried getting a suск off the vac and look what it’s done to my соск! Murphy replies “Shiт Раddy, you best get to the hospital, it’s wrapped round the roller brush.
Murphy is stood outside his house when he spots Раddy walking down the street with a strange animal by his side.
“whats that weird looking creature you have there?” he asks
“oooohhh” replies Раddy “this is the fiercest dog in Ireland its called a long nosed, short legged, long tailed Irish attack dog”
“We’ll see about that ! i have a Rottweiler, a Doberman and a Pit Bull Terrier in the back yard lets put this long nosed, short legged, long tailed Irish attack dog of yours to the test” Murphy laughs
“I’ll bet you a 100 that my dog can beat all three of them at the same time” says Раddy proudly
So they shake on the bet and go to the back yard where the Rottweiller, Doberman and Pit Bull are growling and barking.
Murphy opens the gate and the long nosed, short legged, long tailed Irish attack dog walks in. After a few seconds fur is flying and the dogs are screaming, then silence……
They look into the yard to see the long nosed, short legged, long tailed Irish attack dog stood alone with no trace of the other three dogs apart from some blood and fur around its mouth.
“well you were right Раddy” says Murphy as he’s handing over the ?100
“what did you say it was called again ? a long nosed, short legged, long tailed Irish attack dog ?”
“Yup” replies Paddy
“but in other parts of the world they call it a Crocodile!”
There once were two Irishmen named Раddy and Sean, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would take and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead friend. …
…
As fate would have it, Sean would be the first to pass. …
…
Раddy, hearing of his friend’s illness, came to visit his dear friend one last time. …
…
“Sean,” said Раddy, “can ye hear me?” …
…
Faintly, Sean replied, “Yes, Раddy, I can.”
Bashfully, Раddy started, “Do ye remember our pact, Sean?”
“Yes, I do, Раddy,” Sean strained.
“And, you’ll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of Irish whiskey over your grave, which we have been saving for going on 30 years now?” said Раddy.
“Yes Раddy, I do,” whispered Sean.
“It’s a very old bottle now, ye know,” urged Раddy.
“And what are ye gettin’ at, Раddy?” asked Sean, briskly.
“Well Sean, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ye mind if I filter it through me kidneys first?”
Раddy was morbidly obese so he went to see the Doctor.
The Doctor says “OK, Раddy, I want you to eat normally for a day, then skip a day,the eat normally for a day then skip a day, stick to this regime for a fortnight and you will lose weight, so come back and see me then”.
A fortnight later Раddy returns to the Doctor, who is amazed to see that Раddy has lost sixty pounds. “Amazing Раddy, this is far more weight loss than I would have anticipated, well done”!
Paddy replies “Well sorr, it was feckin’ torture, oi nearly taut dat oi would die on the fifth day”
The Doctor says “What from the hunger”?
Paddy replied “No sorr, from all dat feckin skippin'”
Раddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Раddy’s mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the кinкy side, yells out, “Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!”
Раddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.
About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, “Did you get these marks having sеx?”
Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Раddy (let alone that she allowed the кinкy boy to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.
Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, “I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor, you’ve got the worst case of van aerial disease that I’ve ever seen.