Jewish Jokes

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How to tell who is Jewish in your class, drop a penny and see who gets their first.

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Why Didn't the Jew Score Another Date with the Asian Girl?
Hebrew it.

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A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says,
"Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."

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Why do old Jews have outhouses?
Because their afraid of the showers.

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What was so bad about being a black Jew?
You had to sit in the back of the oven.

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What's the difference between a bullet and a Jew?
A bullet actually comes out of its chamber.

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa comes down the chimney.

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Why do Jews have so big noses?
Because the air is free.

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A Christian, a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar....
If they weren’t arguing they would have seen it coming.

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What does the Jew do with his tea?
Hebrews it.

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What was so great about being a black jew?
They already thought you were burnt

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A Jew is a person who follows Judaism, and pizza is a food...
I bet you expected a Holocaust joke. Jew thought wrong.

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A Jew
Gesundheit

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My daughter saw me eating prosciutto
True story: my daughter saw me eating prosciutto and clucked her tongue. "I think eating prosciutto is like, the worst thing a Jew can do."
I am Jewish, so I asked,
"Why is that?"
"Well, it's pork and it's expensive."

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I've never met a full on jew
They were all just sort of jew-ish

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Why did the Jew vote for Obama?
Because he promised change.

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My friends half jew
I guess hes jew-ish

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I had a date with a jewish girl.
After date she asked me for a number.
I told her we don't have numbers, we have names.

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One day a Jew was giving an Asian a вlоwjов, then, the Asian said do you have homework.
The Jew said no and they continued the вlоwjов.
Adam was waiting outside for a long time before he decided to walk in.
He walked in to find the Jew getting it up the вuм.
Adam decided he wanted to get some action too, so he walked up and took a swing at the Asian.
The Asian died and then the Jew yelled Aluakbah and bombed everyone.
Note: they were all boys.

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How do you get a Jewish girl's number?
You pull up her sleeve.

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