Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

A three-year-old had been told several times to get ready for bed. The last time his mom told him, she was every insistent. His response was, "Yes, Sir!" Since he was talking to his mother (and she is a woman), it was not expected of him to call her "Sir".
"You would say, 'yes sir,' to a man, I am a lady, and you would say 'Yes Ma'am,' to a lady," Mom said. To quiz him on is lesson; she then asked him, "What would you say to Daddy?"
"Yes Sir!" was the reply
"Then what would you say to Mama?"
"Yes, Ma'am!" he proudly answered.
"Good boy! Now what would you say to Grandma?"
He lit up and said,
"Can I have a cookie?"

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2 kids were fighting a boy and a girl
The girl says"If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee"
The boy answers"If you were my wife I would drink it"

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

A father buys his son 2 Goldfish, and once the father has given the boy the fish, he tells him he must call the goldfish 1 and 2. Puzzled, the boy asks his father why this is, well the father replies, if 1 dies, you still got 2!!!

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Kids Jokes

How do Asians name their kids? They throw them down the stairs and see what kind of sounds they make

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

How do you catch a squirrel that likes hazel nuts?
Climb a tree, act like a nut but whisper, "Oh, Filbert."

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Kids Jokes

There are people starving to death all around the world, people waiting for a bag of flour to fall out of a helicopter. I'm sitting on the couch, scratching my nuts, going, 'This is ridiculous. You know how many beers I've had to drink while I wait for this kid to show up?'

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Kids Jokes Food Jokes

You have to field some tough questions when you're a parent, though. My kids came back from visiting my grandmother recently, and they're like, 'Dad, does Nana really have to die?' I'm like, 'Well, she did commit a capital сriме. Those are the rules.'

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dad Jokes

Trying to be a good father, Jack took his son Tommy to the movies. He drove uptown to the Hoyts Theater, and there they watched an exceptionally long movie.
Afterwards, as they were heading to the car, the father asked his son, "Did you like the movie, Tommy?"
"Yeah, Dad, but I think I know why they call it Hoyts Theater."
Puzzled by this comment, the father asked,
"Why?"
And the little boy replied, "Because it Hoyts when you get up!"

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Father:
"Son, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked 12 miles to school."
Son:
"Dad, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was President."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time. He waved, jumped up and down, and stared at the stork a while longer. Finally, turning to his father, he exclaimed, "Gee, Dad, he doesn't recognize me."

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

*Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it anymore.
*Driving a car doesn't always sound like fun.
*The average 10-year-old doesn't have a clue who Bo and Luke Duke are.
*Being bad is no longer cool.
*You have friends who have kids.
*Saturday mornings are for sleeping.
*You are taller than the slide at the McDonald's Playland.
*Your parents' jokes are now funny.
*You once said,
"What-chu talkin'
'bout Willis?" or "Know whatta mean, Vern?"
*You have owned, and since disowned, Michael Jackson's "Thriller."
*You would rather wear your dirтy clothes again, cuz mom is not there to do your laundry anymore.
*Naps are good.
*You once deemed Space Invaders as "The best game ever."
*When things go wrong, you can't just yell, "Do-over!"
*You actually buy scarves, gloves, and sunscreen.
*You leave concerts and ballgames early to beat the crowd.
*You want clothes for Christmas.
*You don't want a Camaro because of the insurance premiums.
*You look in the surveillance camera monitor at the convenience store, wonder who that guy is standing at the counter with the bald spot, and then realize it's a shot of you from behind.

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Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes Friendship Jokes

I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
“Do you have any kids?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied. “I have one child that’s under two.”
She said, “I might be blonde, but I know how many one is.”

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Blonde Jokes

Kid- Can I use the restroom?
Teacher- May I use the restroom!
Kid- Hey I asked first!

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Kids Jokes

Our relations with Cuba suск right now. Why? Because of that kid. Look, you know what? I'm sorry this all happened, but I am so tired of hearing about this kid. I don't wanna see his face again unless it's on a carton of milk.

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News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes

School kids were having a debate about the U. S. Presidential election.
Emma said, “We need a candidate who is willing to tax the ultra rich and give to the poor”.
Little Johnny stood up and said, “I didn’t know Robin Hood was running!”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes

Experienced ice fisher has spent an hour at his fishing hole but is not having luck. He sees a kid sitting nearby on the ice pulling in one fish after another out of the water with his pole. Finally the older gentleman trudges over to the kid and asks him, "I've been watching ya kid, what's your trick?"
The kid mumbles with his lips tightly clamped shut, "M-mmm-mmmm-mmm." When asked again the gentleman gets the same response, "M-mmm-mmmm-mmm." Only this time with more emphasis.
Upon asking the third time the kid spits out a glossy sticky worm into his hand and says,
"Ya gotta keep your worms warm!"

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"

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Kids Jokes

A little girl walked proudly into a dry goods store to buy material for a dress for her doll.
When she came to the cash register she asked, “What does this cost?"
"For a sweet little girl like you," replied the man (feeling generous)"I'll charge only one little kiss."
"Thanks" replied the tot. "Grandma said whatever it is, to charge it and she'll be by tomorrow to pay for it."

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

Never give up, because your dreams can come true. Take me, for example: when I was a kid, I really wanted to be invisible. So then, I grew up, and I moved to L. A.

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Kids Jokes

It suскs for Bush to walk around, 'I'm not an insider.' You're the president's kid! You're a Baldwin!

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Kids Jokes