Little Johnny - Page 18

Brings little Johny a can to policeman and asks:
Can you please open the can? Policeman knocks at it:
Please open the door, police...

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I saw the priest watching роrnоgrарhy.
Should I get jelous?
- Johnny, 11 years old.

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Little Johnny Jokes Old People Jokes Priest Jokes

Little Johnny was learning about government at school so his teacher told him to ask they're parents what the government is. Little Johnny asked his dad what the government was and his dad said that there is the president, congress, work force, people and the future. He explained that dad is president, mom is the congress, the maid is the work force, he is the people and his brother is the future. Johnny still didn't get it so his dad asked him to sleep and maybe by tomorrow he'll know what the government is. In the middle of the night little Johnny woke up because he heard his brother crying. He found out that he had pooed in his pants so he went to ask for help. His mom was asleep so he went downstairs to find his dad. His dad was having sеx with the maid. "Now I know what the government is, the congress is asleep, the president is sсrеwing the works force, know one cares about the people and the future is full of сrар.

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

One day little Johnny is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. “Whatcha doin?” he asked.
Johnny replies, “My goldfish died and I`m burying him.”
“That`s an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain`t it?” asked the neighbor.
Johnny shot back, “That`s because he`s inside your fcukin` cat!!!”

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Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him. This upset the teacher, who said him, "Johnny, is this how your father would have come in - late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!"
So, Little Johnny left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he'd come in. Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room. He slammed the door behind him, "So Honey, didn't expect ME, didya?"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

A teacher asks the class to find out what their mothers do.
Little Johnny goes home, his mum isn’t around so he asks his dad.
The next day the teacher asks little Johnny what his mum does.
He replied, “What she’s fuскing told.”

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny meets Obama
Obama comes into to johnny’s class to teach a little vocabulary system. Obama says ” ok kids, who knows what a catastrophe?”
Susie says “an earthquake!”
Obama says ” no that would be a tragedy”
Jill says “a car wreck?”
Obama says “no that would be an accident”
Johnny says “if u and mrs. Obama were in an air plane and got shot down, that would be a catastrophe”
Obama says “yes. How did u know?”
Johnny says “well it ain’t a tragedy and sure as hеll wasn’t an accident?”

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Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes

A fourth-grade teacher is doing a science lesson and asks all the children to perform an experiment of their own choosing. After the children have been busy for a few minutes, she gets to the desk of little Johnny. Johnny has a spider on his desk and she asks what he is doing. …
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“Well Miss, the spider’s name is Herbert and watch this.” Johnny then bends down to the spider and whispers “Run, Herbert, Run” and the spider, as if by magic, moves across the desk. The teacher is a little mystified. Johnny then gets a hold of the spider and removes one leg. The teacher is taken aback but lets the experiment continue. Johnny again whispers “Run, Herbert, Run” and the spider, as if by magic, moves across the desk. Johnny then gets a hold of the spider and removes another 2 legs and repeats the experiment. “Run, Herbert, Run” and the spider does continue to move across the desk, a in a somewhat limp fashion. By this time the teacher is getting a little concerned.
The experiment continues in the same vein until Herbert, the spider, has one leg left (the teacher at this point is totally mortified). Little Johnny then bends down to the spider and again removes the last leg so that Herbert is now just a blob and again he whispers “Run, Herbert, Run” but Herbert doesn’t move. He repeats the command again but a little bit louder. After several attemps, Johnny is now shouting at the spider “Run, Herbert, Run” but still no movement. Johnny then looks at the teacher and she asks “Well, Johnny, an interesting experiment, but what are you trying to prove with it?”
Little Johnny replies, “Well, Miss, spiders with no legs are deaf”

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Little Johnny Jokes Science jokes

Teacher: Which hand do you eat spaghetti with Little Johnny?
Little Johnny: I don't use my hands, I use a fork.

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Little Johnny Jokes

The teacher asked her students which state they thought has the most cows. A little girl raised her hand and said Texas! The teacher said, that right, you get an A.
Now which state do you think has the most sheep? A little boy raised his hand and said Montana! The teacher said that's right you get an A.
Who can tell me which state has the most turkeys? Little Johnny raised his hand and said, that's easy, Washington D. C.
The teacher gave him an A+.

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Little Johnny Jokes

The pretty young teacher enters the classroom to find “I’ve got the biggest соск in the school” written on the blackboard.
The teacher says, “Alright, who did that?”
Little Johnny immediately put his hand up. “Me, Miss,” he said.
“Right, I want to see you after class”, says the teacher.
Johnny turns to his mate and says, “Who said advertising doesn’t pay?”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

Teacher: Little Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?
Johnny: No, teacher, it's just like Santa Claus. I know he's really my dad

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Little Johnny Jokes Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes

As the first grade teach веnт over to pick up an eraser, little Joey started to giggle. "Teacher, I just saw your stockings."
The teacher replied, "You will stay in for recess with that remark."
Later, she веnт over to pick up a piece of chalk as little Mikey began to giggle, "Teacher, I just saw your knees."
The teacher demanded he go to the office immediately for that remark. Still later she веnт way down to pick up a piece of paper and little Billy began to clean out his desk and head for the door. Teacher asked Billy where he was going.
He replied, "Teacher, I see my school days are over."

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

A preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning.
"This mower work, son?" the preacher asked.
Little Johnny said,
"Sure does, just pull on the cord hard, though."
The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start.
Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough."
"Well," Johnny said,
"You need to curse at it sometimes."
The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!"
"Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."

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Office and Work Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny and a friend were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. “What’s it for?’ his friend asked. “I don’t know,” little Johnny replied. “I think you stand on it and it makes you mad. At least it does that for my Mom and Dad.”

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Little Johnny Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny asked his dad, "What do you do when you put one foot on the boat and the other on the dock?"
"Swim," replied his dad. "You fall in, and then you swim."

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny was on the playground having a disagreement with another boy. The teacher comes out and tells the boys the best way to solve problems is to be agreeable and also open to compromise.
Little Johnny replies,
"OK, I’ll agree to let him compromise."

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Little Johnny Jokes

O ne day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.”
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again.
The father said, “Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time.”
Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
The boy said, “Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and DАМN if I’ll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!”

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Little Johnny Jokes Christmas Jokes

Mom took little Johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his willie. Doc. said, how did such a thing happen?
Johnny said, “It’s that dамn neighbor girl, Suzy. Her braces are too darned sharp.”

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Little Johnny Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car pass the playground and go into the woods. …
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Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. …
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Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly, “MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND….” …
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Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. …
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So Johnny tells her. “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy….”
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.
He describes the car into the woods, the undrеssing, laying down on the seat, and, “Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”

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Little Johnny Jokes