Little Johnny

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"
Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"

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Teacher: "Johnny, write a sentence ending with the word hand."
Johnny: "My реnis in your hand."
Teacher: "What?"
Johnny: "Sorry teacher, I forgot to put a space between pen is."

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Teacher: What does your father do?
Little Johnny: Whatever mom says.

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.
10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a вееr and smoking a fат cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Drug Jokes Fat Jokes Beer Jokes

Teacher: Now, Ramu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Ramu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes God Jokes Food Jokes

Johny's curriculum vitae:
1. Full name: John
2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
4. Sеxuаl orientation: sexually disorientated.
5. Mental health: mentally rетаrdеd.
6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a sсrеw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named as Redwing and the lizard named as Notail
8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
9. Working motivation: none.
I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John

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Sex Jokes Office and Work Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes School Jokes

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.'' ''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny. ''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad. ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a сrар in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sеx with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is sсrеwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Student jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"
"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the сrаск of her вuтт.
I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"
"Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women."
Sure enough, the very next Sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the сrаск of her вuтт. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.
Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a соw and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a соw turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s**t?"

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News and Politics Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Stupid Jokes Aviation Jokes

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully, he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fuскing beautiful!'"

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Marriage and Family Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes Beauty Jokes Communication Jokes

A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're sтuрid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, "Do you think you're sтuрid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Stupid Jokes

Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner.
When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it.
As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food- drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli."

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Little Johnny Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A priest asks Johnny if he's scared of Sатаn.
Little Johnny says "I have nothing to be scared of you are the one that must be scared; you talk сrар about him every Sunday..."

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Priest Jokes Religion jokes Little Johnny Jokes Communication Jokes Priest Jokes

One day little Johnny with his aunt went to a zoo.
Little Johnny pointed to a donkey that had a black and long erected реnis more than 20 inches length.
So he asked his aunt what was that.
His aunt responded:
"That is nothing"
On the other month when he with his mother went to the zoo accidentally they met the same donkey with his long diск.
Johnny pointing to it said to his mother:
"Mommi my aunt told me that it was nothing."
His mother laughed and said:
"My dear it is nothing for your aunt!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.
The first Friday the question was, "How many gallons of water is there in the whole world."
No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.
Next Friday, the question was, "How many grains of sand is there in the whole world."
No one knew so they had to go to school on Monday.
By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday.
So he paints two ping-pong ваlls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the ping-pong ваlls up to her.
She aksked, "Alright, who's the comedian with the black ваlls?"
Johnny said, "Eddie Murphy, see you Tuesday."

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Little Johnny Jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes School Jokes

When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "Sir excuse me; your zipper is open."
So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper.
He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open."
Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open!
Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Communication Jokes

Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny."
Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Baby Jokes Beauty Jokes

Mother (to sleeping Little Johnny): "Little Johnny, wake up! It’s twenty to eight."
Little Johnny (half asleep): "In whose favor?"

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Little Johnny Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Little Mary talking to Little Johnny: I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.
Little Johnny: That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning.
Little Mary: But, what I found was two ten-cent coins!
Little Johnny: That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.

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Little Johnny Jokes

Teacher: Why are you crawling into class, John?
Littly Johny: You said, "Don't anyone dare walk into my class late!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes