Men jokes - Page 147

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies,
"All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious - Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

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Men jokes

An extremely obese man with severe stomach pains goes to see a doctor. He can hardly stand, the pain is so bad. After an examination, the doctor is holding the x-rays and asks, "Did you at one time swallow a bullet?" The man answers, "Swallow a bullet? Of course not!" The doctor replies,
"Well then, I'm afraid you've been shot!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office and said,
"Kevin, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm sorry to tell you that the man you saved later hung himself."
"He didn't hang himself," Kevin replied, "I hung him up to dry."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

A man walks into a bar and sees a pianist, who is only one foot tall, playing the piano. He talks to the bartender and says,
"That's amazing! Where did you find a 12 inch pianist?" The bartender replies,
"Oh, I have a genie in the back room who grants wishes. Give it a try if you want." The man goes to the genie and says,
"Oh genie, I wish I had a 100 million bucks." The genie nods his head and a few seconds later there's a рuff of smoke and 100 million ducks fly over the man's head. The man goes back to the bartender and complains, "I wished for 100 million bucks, not 100 million ducks!" And the bartender says,
"Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

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Men jokes

3 men walk into a bar; A Russian, an American, and a Mexican. They all order a вееr and sit down to drink. The Russian drinks his вееr first then throws it out the window. The bartender asked him why did he throw out his вееr, the Russian said he had a lot of those in his country. The Mexican drinks his вееr and throws it out the window too. The bartender asked again, "why did you throw it out the window?". The Mexican said he had a lot of those in his country. The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out the window. The bartender asked the same question again. The American said "I have a lot of THOSE in my country!"

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

There were 3 men in the desert. They all wanted something to cool them down. One brought a pail of water. The second brought an umbrella. The third took out a car door. The other two said,"Why do you have a car door?" The person said,
"So we could roll the windows down when we get hot!"

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Men jokes

One day an old couple decided to go to Jerusalem for vacation. A few days after they arrived, the old wife died. The man who worked at the local funeral home told him that he could pay $150 to have her buried here of pay $4,000 to have her body be shipped over and have her get buried there. The old man thought about it for a while, and said that he would rather pay $4,000 to have her body shipped over than to pay $150 to get her buried here. The man who worked at the funeral home asked him why he wanted to pay $4,000 instead of $150. The old man replied " 2,013 years ago a man died and was buried here. Three days later he resurrected. I cant take the chance."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

A man committed suicide by chopping his head off and left a suicide note in his mouth reading, "I don't need no body."

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man said to his friend, "Want to hear a joke about butter?" His friend said,
"Sure." The man said,
"Nah, I butter not tell you. You might spread it."

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Friendship Jokes

A Spanish man who doesn't speak English says to a Mexican woman, "Lady, I want to make the love with you," and she says,
"Mande?" and he says,
"No Monday, today."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man walked into a bar and heard, "Great tie!" He looked around and seeing no one, he heard again, "Beautiful suit!" Wondering what was going on, he saw the bartender walk up and said,
"I heard a voice talking about my suit and tie, and that they looked cool, but no one's around. Dude, what's up?" The bartender smiled, "Oh yeah, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A mentally challenged man walks up to this guy and asks, "Can you help me? I'm trying to spell the word 'orange.'" The guy responds, "What a rетаrd, didn't your mom teach you?" The man answers, "No."
"Ever?" says the guy. "No," responds the mentally challenged man. The guy responds, "Okay, which one are you trying to spell, the color or the fruit?"

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Men jokes

This man walks into a bar. He sits on a bar stool & says to the bartender, "Hey jаскаss, bring me a shot." The bartender brings him a shot. The man slams it down & yells again, "Hey jаскаss, bring me another shot," and gets up to go to the bathroom. While the man is gone, another guy sitting at the bar asks the bartender, "Why do you let him call you that?" The bartender responds, "He aw- He aw- He always calls me that."

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Men jokes

A man is at the bar, blind drunк. Some of the customers decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. They pick him up off the floor and drag him out of the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car, and he falls down four more times. They ring the doorbell and a woman answers. “Here’s your husband!”
“Thanks,” says the man’s wife. “What did you do with his wheelchair?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A man got in a car accident with a dwarf, who got out of his car and said,
"I'm not happy!" The man replied, "Well, which one are you?"

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Men jokes

A man is standing at a urinаl when he notices that he's being watched by a мidgет. The мidgет drags a small stepladder over, and climbs up to admire the man's private parts close up. "Wow," comments the мidgет, "those are the nicest ваlls I have ever seen!" Freaked out, but flattered, the man thanks the мidgет and starts to move away. "I know this is a strange request," says the little guy, "but would you mind if I touched them?" Again, the man is taken aback, but seeing no real harm in it, consents. The мidgет reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's ваlls, and says loudly, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump."

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Men jokes

Old Man:
"Are you the young fellow who sold me this tube yesterday and told me it was toothpaste?"
Clerk:
"Yes sir."
Old Man:
"Well, I tried for half an hour this morning and I couldn't get my teeth to stick in."

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Men jokes

A man is walking along a beach and finds a bottle. When he rubs the bottle, a genie appears and says,
"I can grant you one wish."
"Well," says the man, "I have never been too fond of flying, so could you make a highway from California to Hawaii?" The genie says,
"Do you know how much of my power that would take?" The man says,
"Okay, I have never really gotten girls, so could you make that happen?" The genie says,
"You want that highway two lane or four lane?"

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Men jokes

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

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Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says,
"Hey, didn't you read the sign? It says 'No mushrooms!'" The mushroom replies,
"C'mon man, I'm a fungi!"

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes