Men jokes - Page 168

Me: Say "I am a man" after everything I say.
Friend: Alright.
Me: You broke up with your girlfriend.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You decided to get drunк.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You went to the bar.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You found a hot chick there.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You invited her to your house and she said yes.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You both came into your room and had sеx.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: Next morning you wake up.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: And she says...
Friend: I am a man.

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A man had a nose ring fitted into his nose, a friend asked,
"How much did you pay for that?"
"I paid through the nose!” he replied

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Men jokes Friendship Jokes

They say a dog is a man’s best friend.
But I don’t even have enemies that would stare directly into my eyes whilst taking a shiт on my carpet.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A man, woman and an Antartian were each going into the desert on a car trip. They could only bring one thing. The man brought some food, so they wouldn't starve to death, the woman brought some water so they wouldn't dehydrate. Now the Antartian, he brought a car door, so he could role down the window if he got hot!

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes

My grandad was talking to me about women the other day he said “never ever go for a good looking women” so naturally is asked him “why not” he said:
“Well my boy, if you have a good looking women every man will keep looking at her and one day one of them will turn her head and she will fсuк off and leave you”
I replied “yes, but so could an ugly women”
To which he said “yeah, but who fсuкing cares!”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A 10-year-old child was having a conversation with their grandmother while eating breakfast...
Child: "Nanna, I'm a chubby old man."
Grandmother: "What did you say?"
Child: "I'm a chubby old man."
Grandmother: "Now why would you say something like that?"
Child: "Well, everybody says I look just like my daddy."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A man said to his doctor, "Doc, please don't ever give me artificial respiration!"
"Why not?" the Doctor asked.
The man replied, "If you can't give me the real thing, FORGET IT!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

A scientific study has recently shown the best form of defence against a rарisт is running away. Apparently men with pants around their ankles can’t run very fast.

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

Three men wait at the gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. They're told they have to present a Christmas gift to get in. The first man checks his pockets and finds pine needles from his family's tree. He's allowed in. The second hands over a bow and some ribbon. He's allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of раnтiеs. "How do those represent Christmas?" St. Peter asks him.
"Oh," the man replies,
"They're Carol's."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Christmas Jokes

Man: Would you wear shoes if you didn’t have feet?
Woman: No of course not.
Man: Then why do you wear a вrа?

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man in a bar visited the men's room, leaving his drink on the bar. On his return he found that someone had drunк it.
The next time he left a notice beside his drink. “I spat in this”.
On his return he found written underneath.
So did I.

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man was explaining to a friend how he managed to get home the previous night.
" I was doing just fine until I turned into my driveway", he said.
"And then what happened?"
"Someone stepped on my hands!"

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Friendship Jokes

A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night. He noticed with dismay the crate of вееr bottles that had caused the fight. He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one against a wall.
He smashed the first bottle swearing, "You are the reason I fight with my wife!"
He smashed the second bottle, "You are the reason I don't love my children!"
He smashed the third bottle, "You are the reason I don't have a decent job!"
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for only a moment and then said,
"You stand aside, I know you were not involved."
Men will be men.

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Yo momma so slutty they call her vаginа the "man cave"

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Men jokes Yo Momma Jokes

A man ended up in hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a horse inside him.
His condition is described as stable.

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Two businessmen in the centre of Perth were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop…As yet, the shop wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, “What are you selling here?”
One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling аss-holes.”
Without skipping a beat, the old dear said,“Must be doing well… Only two left.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes

It’s fuскing impossible to please women…….
…….. even at your wedding, you are not the best man

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

A man and a woman are in a lamaze class, and the woman is 7 months pregnant. In this class, the lamaze instructor is trying to get the husbands to understand what their wives are going through.
All the men put on fake bellies, and the lamaze instructor walks up to the first man and drops a pencil in front of him.
“Okay, now pick up that pencil exactly as your wife would,” says the lamaze instructor.
The husband smiles slyly. “You want me to pick it up ‘exactly’ how my wife would? He asks.
“Yes, exactly how your wife would,” the lamaze instructor repeats, impatiently.
The man looks at his wife, and says, “Honey, pick up that pencil.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

Its two in the morning and the phone rings. The husband rolls over in his bed toward the phone and picks it up.
“hello---How would I know, Im not the weather man.” He hangs up.
His wife rolls over and asks him who it was.
“Just some guy asking if the coast is clear.”

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Men jokes Sexist Jokes

A man with a gun is robbing a bank. He asks one of the bank customers if he saw him rob the bank. The guy says he did. The robber then shoots him in the head killing him immediately. The robber then asks a couple nearest to him the same thing. The husband says that he didn't but his wife did.

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes