Men jokes - Page 223

A man went to visit a friend of his who worked for the zoo, tending to the elephants.
But found him crying.
When asked what happened the friend replied that the largest bull elephant had died earlier that morning.
"I'm sorry I didn't know you were so close to the elephant"
"I'm not - I have to bury it."

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Мiск had passed away and as usual the minister was reciting his history and attributes at his funeral. …
….
- ” Мiск was a great family man,always helping with the dish washing and housework, a model husband and father, never late out and has not allowed a drop of whisky to pass his lips”
His widow, squirming in her seat, could stand it no more, веnт down and whispered to her son, “Jimmy, go on up and look in the coffin, I think we might be at the wrong funeral”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

When his teenage son asked to borrow twenty dollar, the man said, “Son, don’t you realize that there are more important things in life than money?”
“Yes, sir,” the youth replied, “I do. But you need money to take them to the movies.”

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

When the follow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take children?' the man asked.
"No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

When the man first noticed that his реnis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.
While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, though rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.
The patient’s wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.
“How long will he be on crutches?” she asked.
“Crutches???” the doctor asked.
“Well, yes,” the woman said “You are going to lengthen his legs, aren’t you?”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
“What’s the matter?” he was asked.
He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.”
“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”
“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

What's the difference between a well dressed man and a dog?
The man wears a suit. The dog just pants.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

It was Halloween night... A man was walking home from work when he heard thump noises behind him. He turned around and saw a coffin following him. He was scared and started to run, the coffin kept right up with him. He got to his house ran through the front door, locked it and ran upstairs. The coffin busted through the front door and followed the man upstairs. The man ran for his life and then locked himself in the bathroom. The coffin burst into the bathroom. The man totally freaked out reached into the medicine cabinet and grabbed what he could find. What he grabbed was cough drops. He threw the cough drops at the coffin and the coffin stopped.

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Halloween Jokes

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on chlamydia.
The librarian says, “You’re girlfriend already has it, she said that she gave it to you.”

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Did you hear about the man without a реnis?
He came out of nowhere!

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man not knowledgeable of antiques, or their history, was standing next to a woman who was looking at a century old painting. As she stood admiring the priceless painting she said to the man that the painting went back to Louie The Fourteenth. The man replied to her that that was nothing, that he has a couch that goes back to Sears the 15th.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

The Реnis Study. The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's реnis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sеx. After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and three years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sеx. Canadians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After two weeks and a cost of around $75.46, and two cases of вееr, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

You're not really supposed to date people from the office, but you know it was going on because in the men's room, the graffiti said stuff like, 'For a good time: extension 289.'

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small, out of the way, town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went.
He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said.
The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, "Sure, Mister. You want 2 nines or 3 sixes?"

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Money jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes

A man was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes."
"Alright," said the man, "I wish for more genies."

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Men jokes

Men who are bald at front of their heads are good thinkers. Men who are bald at the back of their heads are good lovers. Men who are bald at front and back think they are good lovers.

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Men jokes

Four women were chatting in the locker room, when one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male маsтurватiоn, i. E. jerking off, spanking the monkey, slappin’ the salami and so on, there weren’t any common terms for female маsтurватiоn.
“I’ve always called it ‘jilling off,'” answered one of the women.
“But that’s just a feminization of ‘jacking off,'” criticised the first.
“You’re right,” another commented. “We DON’T seem to have any slang terms of our own for it.”
The fourth woman snorted. “After fourteen years of marriage, there’s only one thing I call it.”
“What’s that?”
“Finishing the job!” she responded.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn’t afford it so they had all of them on the same day.
They also couldn’t afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn’t sleep.
When she went past her oldest daughter’s room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter’s room and she couldn’t hear anything.
The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, “Why were you screaming last night?”
The daughter replied “Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream.”
“That’s true.” She looked at her second daughter. “Why were you laughing so much last night?”
The daughter replied “Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh.”
“That’s also true.” Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”
The youngest daughter replied “Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

All men like to think they are marrying nymphomaniacs.
The problem is that, after a few years, the nyмрhо leaves but the maniac doesn’t.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

An elderly couple were considering marriage. The woman wanted to know how sexually active her future husband was and she asked him, "How active are you?"
The man replied, "Infrequently."
The woman thought for a minute then asked,
"Is that one word or two?"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes