Men vs Women Jokes

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Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.

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What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.

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Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken.
So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.

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Men are like..... Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

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Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shiт out of you.

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What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
Answer:
“Lazy.”

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Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

This french guy he wants to learn English.
So one day he goes to an airport to learn "take off".
Then he goes to the zoo to learn "zebra".
Then he goes to the hospital "baby"
So one day he walks up too a hot girl on a beach in a bikini and he said "Take off zebra baby" (take off the вrа baby).

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Aviation Jokes

Companies are working on a camera which has such a fast shutter speed that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut. Advance Booking open!

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Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.

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What do you call a women who does as much work as a man?
A lazy b*tch.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said,
"Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said,
"Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said,
"Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said,
"Don't flush don't flush!"

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Men vs Women Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Wouldn’t it be great if men were made by Kodak!
They would automatically shut off when they weren’t being used.
You wouldn’t have to wait for them to recharge after each shot.
They last longer and come with a warranty.
You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle.
They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it.
They come in fashion colors.
You can keep them in maximum zoom.
They come with replaceable or adjustable parts.
The parts that count are portable.
They don’t mind over-exposure.
They respond to the slightest touch.
The one you want is available at a KMART near you.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under?
A. Because deep down he's a good person.

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Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress?
She was charged with rustling!

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes