Money jokes

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What Do I Look Like?
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?"
The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like - Mr. Plumber?"
A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like - Mr. Goodwrench?"
A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?"
"What do I look like - Bob Vila?" He sat down with a вееr and watched a game on TV.
One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.
When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?"
She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything.
"Wow, did he charge us anything?"
"No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sеx with him."
"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?"
"Cake? What the hеll do I look like - Betty Crocker?"
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Tattoo Idea Tattooed Wang Отива мутра в салон за татуировки и казва: Geht ein Mann zum Tätowierer und sagt, er hätte gerne einen 500-Euro-Schein auf dem Schwanz tätowiert. Fragt der Tätowierer: Мъж татуирал на кура си сто доларова банкнота. Питали го защо? А той: Un conseil de banquier......Vous ne savez que faire de votre argent? Voici la solution : Faites vous tatouez un euro sur votre sexe et vous aurez le plaisir d'avoir 5 avantages 1) Vous verrez croître vos investisements 2) Vous prendrez plaisir à toucher votre pognon 3) Vous ne verrez plus d'un... O sujeito foi fazer uma tatuagem e ordenou ao tatuador: — Quero que você tatue uma nota de 100 reais no meu pênis! — Você tá louco, cara? — perguntou o tatuador, perplexo — Isso aí vai doer pra cacete! Aliás, vai doer no cacete! — Não tem problema —... Det var en kille som gick till tatueraren och bad att få en 100 kronors sedel tatuerad på det allra heligaste, men han tvekade och frågade varför. - Jo jag har tre skäl. För det första så gillar... 3 reasons why you should get a $100 bill tattooed onto your salami. 1. You can play with your money. 2. You can watch your money grow. 3. Every woman loves to blow money. Ein Mann kommt in ein Tattoo-Studio und möchte auf sein bestes Stück einen Tausender tätowiert haben. Dort ist man zwar an ungewöhnliche Wünsche gewöhnt, aber der Schrödinger ist neu, daher möchte...
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Once there was a farmer with three sons. He gave a duck to his eldest son and told him to see how much money he could get for it at the market. The eldest son came back later in the day, shouting "Dad, I got $10 for the duck!"
The farmer said "Well done, son."
The next day, the farmer sent the middle son to the market with a duck and he came back with $20. "Well done, son," said the farmer.
He then sent the youngest son to the market to see how much he could get for the duck. On the way to the market, the son met a рrоsтiтuте.
"I'll give you a f**k if you give me that duck," said the рrоsтiтuте. After they did it, the рrоsтiтuте said, "That was so good, I'll give you the duck back if you f**k me again." He did, and then he went on to the market.
On the way, the duck flew out of his arms and was run over by a truck. The truck driver jumped out of the cab and said "Oh no, I'm so sorry! Here's $50 to pay for it."
The youngest son went back to the farm and said to his father, "Hey, Dad! I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and $50 bucks for a f**ked up duck."
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