Money jokes - Page 5

A hоокеr brings a client to her condo on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. The client asks her if she gives good hand jobs.
"You see this condo? I bought it by giving good hand jobs."
Her client tells her to give him a hand job. Afterwards, he is impressed and asks her if she gives good вlоw jobs.
"Look out the window. See that red Ferrari on the street? I bought it by giving good вlоw jobs."
Her client asks her to give him a вlоw job. Afterwards, he is really impressed and asks her if she is good in bed.
"Look out the window. See that big yacht out there on Lake Michigan? I could own that if only I had a vаginа."

0 0

Money jokes

The Cost of Pleasure:
Cover charge: $15
Round of drinks: $23
Table dance: $30
A round of shots: $34
Private dance in your hotel room: $300
Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: priceless.

0 0

Money jokes Hotel Jokes Military Jokes

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being sтuрid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime - Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's вiggеr?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

44 0

Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes Stupid Jokes

Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year."
Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving.
Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be dамnеd if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"

34 0

Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes

Joe asked God, "How much is a penny worth in heaven?"
God replied, "$1 million."
Joe asked, "How long is a minute in heaven?"
God said, "One million years."
Joe asked for a penny. God said, "Sure, in a minute."

0 0

Money jokes

Homeless people here are different.
You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, 'Will work for food,' some of them have what they want: 'Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives.'

31 0

Money jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes

Q: Why aren't there any nails in a lеsвiаn's floor?
A: They're all laid with tongue and groove.

0 0

Money jokes

Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.

12 0

Money jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

He took me to McDonald's, backed his car through the drive-through window, so the cashier could be on my side.

0 0

Money jokes

Cats are cool because you don't have to buy them.
You see them on the street, take them home - they're yours. You ain't never seen a cat being bought out of a pet store. They just sit in the pet store. They're under there like, 'Meow,' and you be looking at them like, 'Oh they're so cute. Let's go find one like that.'

0 0

Money jokes

My mama was so cheap, she waited 'til after Christmas.
'Baby, Santa Claus missed our house. I called him, and he coming back tomorrow.' She was waiting for the stuff to go on sale.

0 0

Money jokes

Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?
A: "Cheap, cheap!"

12 0

Money jokes

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill.
He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change. The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

0 0

Money jokes Banker Jokes

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."
The man replied, "You cannot do this - I'm a United States congressman!"
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"

26 0

News and Politics Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Political Jokes

A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viаgrа for 100 Egyptian pounds.
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."
The stranger says, "How about 20?"
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."
The stranger says, "How about 10?"
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."
The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?"
The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it - my wife isn't."

42 0

Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Viagra jokes

A man walks into a bar and says,"Excuse me, I'd like a pint of вееr."
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender."
Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."

15 0

Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

Q: Why are E.T.'s eyes so big?
A: He saw the phone bill.

26 0

Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Money jokes One-Liner Jokes

Signs You're No Longer in College...
- You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close.
- Your potted plants stay alive.
- You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill.
- Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces.
- You attend parties that the police don't raid.
- You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking.
- You refer to college students as "those kids."
- You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just вееr, вееr and вееr.
- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza.
- At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out.
- Naps are no longer weekday options.
- Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy.
- Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato сhiрs.
- You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.

63 0

School Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Divorce Jokes College jokes Beer Jokes Dog jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory will be off limits to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"

44 0

School Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes College jokes Student jokes

A redneck family's only son returns home from college. The father asks, "Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?"
The son says, "Pi R squared."
The father yells, "Why son, they ain't teached ya nothin'! Pies are round, cornbread are square."

0 0

Redneck jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Dad Jokes Math Jokes