Money jokes - Page 4

Top 15: Why Hockey is Better than Sеx:
It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards

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SuperBowl!
What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl? The Dallas Cowboys

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Sports Jokes Money jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Soccer Jokes Communication Jokes

What do you call a blonde with a dollar ...
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes

A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."
The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Old People Jokes Fart Jokes Hotel Jokes

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's реnis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's реnis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sеx.
After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's реnis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sеx.
When the results of the French study were released, Canada decided to conduct their own study. The Canucks didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00, the Canadian study was complete.
They concluded that the reason the head on a man's реnis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead!

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

An old woman walks into a s*ex shop, shaking.
"Sir," she asks in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am."
"And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you turn them off?"

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Masturbation jokes

A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.
"Fellas! My p***y is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take." A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her p***y. The boots are suскеd right in. He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is suскеd in. He puts his face in between her legs to get a better look and he gets suскеd in. Inside he hears noises.
"Is someone else in here?" he asks.
"Yeah, I've been in here for a week," the voice says.
"Help me find my flashlight and we can get out of here," the cowboy says.
"Неll," says the other man, "help me find my keys and we can drive out."

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whоrеhоusе with 5$. He buys a the cheapest рrоsтiтuте named Sandpaper Sally.
As they start to have sеx, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!"
Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sеx once again.
"What the hеll happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sеx I''ve ever had!"
Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Sex Jokes

Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt.
"We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave.The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sреrм Bank Robbed."

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Banker Jokes

Two hunters were stalking through the forest when one said to the other that he has to take a dump. His friend replies, "Well, go in the bushes."
"What should I use to wipe my аss?" he asks.
"Use a dollar bill," his friend says.
A few minutes later, the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands.
"What happened?" asked his friend.
He replied, "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."

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An almost blind guy walked into a sеxy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife.
After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit. But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all. So she came downstairs completely nакеd.
"Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the dамn thing."

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A man goes to a $10 hоокеr and contracts сrавs.
When he goes back to complain, the hоокеr laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 - lobster?"

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

A man dies, and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and starts talking to them.
"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."
Then she whispers, "You know that вlоw job I promised you? Well, here it comes."

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A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."
The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Money jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes $8.
"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says the customer.
"OK," says the bartender, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, "OK, if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The customer goes outside and tells a friend how to get free drinks. The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs.
The bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened tonight. Two men were drinking вееr, neither paid, and both claimed they had. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get punched in the - "
The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles, bartender. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes

Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet:
"I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at one end of your bar and рiss into it from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop."
The bartender laughs and says, "You're crazy, but you're on."
The man positions a shot glass on one end, walks to the other end and unzips his fly. He then рissеs everywhere - all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottles of вооzе, and all over the bartender. The bartender roars with laughter and tells the man to pay up.
The guy in the Yankees cap pays up, laughing and smiling, too.
"What are you smiling at?" asks the bartender. "You just lost $1,000!"
"Well, you see that guy in the cowboy hat over there crying? Before we came in, I bet him $10,000 that I could рiss all over your bar, your walls, your liquor AND you, and not only would you not be mad - you would laugh hysterically about it!"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"
"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money."
"What are the three tests?" asks the man"Gotta pay first."So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar."OK, here's what you have to do. First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila - the WHOLE thing at once - and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who's never had an оrgаsм in her life. You gotta make things right for her."
"Well, I know I've paid my $10 bucks," says the man, "but I'm not an idiот. No wonder you've collected so much money - that's impossible!"The new guy proceeds to drink several whiskeys, and eventually, he gets up his nerve."Wherez zat teeqeelah?" he slurs.He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside - barking, yelping and growling, then silence.Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body."NOW," he says, "wherez at ol' lady with the sore tooth?"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sеxy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate.
So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch. Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too. Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week. Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each. The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch.
"S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Money jokes God Jokes Priest Jokes Church jokes Priest Jokes

Do you know how copper wire was invented?
Two lawyers fighting over a penny.

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