Money jokes - Page 3

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one sтrоке, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.
''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''
''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''
''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

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A man walks into a lawyer's office and inquires about the rates.
"Fifty dollars for three questions, "replies the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asks the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replies, "and what's your third question?"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
"That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor.
"Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned. He returned to the store shortly.
"Ah-ha!" said the proprietor. "You've come back for the story, right?"
"Nope," said the man. "You have any brass lawyers?"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes

Q: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Business jokes Lawyer Jokes Light bulb jokes

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound’ and another sign that says ‘Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.’ So he asks the man behind the cash register, “how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?” The man replies, “do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?”

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Nurse jokes Lawyer Jokes

Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.
"Jack, I've got to confess - I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."
"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?"
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''

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Parrot jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

Yo' Mama is so fат, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Fat Jokes

Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute - anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Phone jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.

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Yo Momma Jokes Car and driving jokes Money jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Insult Jokes Animal Jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, when you ring her doorbell, she sticks her head out the window and yells, "DING DОNG!"

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Insult Jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, she considers the give-a-penny/take-a-penny cups part of her own "Save Yo' Mama" foundation.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Insult Jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, her face is on the food stamp.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Insult Jokes Food Jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, I sat on a garbage can, and she told me to get off her roof.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, her bathroom consists of a tin can and a pile of leaves.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Insult Jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, she got married for the rice.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Insult Jokes

Yo' Mama is so fат, when she went bungee jumping, she collapsed the bridge.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Fat Jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, when I asked where her bathroom was, she said, "Fourth bottle from the left."

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes