Hunting Jokes

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Lady, you can't be both hunter and prey
Госпожо, не може да сте едновременно и ловец, и плячка Госпоѓо, не можете да бидете и ловец и плен во исто време Señora, no puede ser a la vez cazadora y presa Дама, нельзя быть одновременно и охотницей, и добычей Lady, du kannst nicht gleichzeitig Jägerin und Beute sein Madame, vous ne pouvez pas être à la fois chasseuse et proie Κυρία μου, δεν γίνεται να είστε ταυτόχρονα και κυνηγός και θήραμα Signora, non puoi essere sia cacciatrice che preda Hanımefendi, hem avcı hem av olamazsınız Пані, не можна бути одночасно і мисливицею, і здобиччю Senhora, não pode ser ao mesmo tempo caçadora e presa Pani, nie można być jednocześnie myśliwą i ofiarą Du kan inte vara både jägare och byte samtidigt, lilla gumman Mevrouw, u kunt niet tegelijk jager en prooi zijn Dame, du kan ikke være både jæger og bytte på samme tid Du kan ikke være både jeger og bytte samtidig, frøken Et voi olla samaan aikaan sekä metsästäjä että saalis, rouva Asszonyom, nem lehet egyszerre vadász és préda Doamnă, nu puteți fi și vânător, și pradă în același timp Paní, nemůžete být zároveň lovec i kořist Ponia, negalite būti ir medžiotoja, ir grobis tuo pačiu metu Dāma, jūs nevarat būt vienlaikus gan medniece, gan medījums Gospođo, ne možete biti i lovac i plijen u isto vrijeme
Jokes about Women Hunting Jokes
Couple having sex outdoors in goat costumes gets accidentally shot by hunters
Двойка, която прави cekc на открито в костюми на кози, е случайно простреляна от ловци Пар што има cekc на отворено во костими на кози случајно бил застрелан од ловџии Pareja teniendo sеxо al aire libre соn disfraces de cabra es accidentalmente disparada por cazadores Пара, занимающаяся сексом на улице в костюмах коз, случайно подстрелена охотниками Paar hat im Freien Sеx in Ziegenkostümen und wird versehentlich von Jägern erschossen Un couple faisant l'amour en plein air déguisé en chèvres est accidentellement abattu par des chasseurs Ζευγάρι που κάνει σεξ σε εξωτερικό χώρο με στολές κατσίκας πυροβολείται κατά λάθος από κυνηγούς Coppia che fa sesso all'aperto in costumi da capra viene accidentalmente colpita dai cacciatori Keçi kostümleriyle açık havada sекs yapan çift avcılar tarafından yanlışlıkla vuruldu Пара, яка займається сексом на вулиці в костюмах кіз, випадково підстрелена мисливцями Casal fazendo sеxо ao ar livre em fantasias de cabra é acidentalmente baleado por caçadores Para uprawiająca sекs na świeżym powietrzu w kostiumach kóz zostaje przypadkowo postrzelona przez myśliwych Par som har sеx utomhus i getkostymer blir av misstag skjutna av jägare Stel dat sекs heeft in geitenkostuums in de buitenlucht wordt per ongeluk neergeschoten door jagers Par, der har sеx udendørs i gedekostumer, bliver ved en fejl skudt af jægere Par som har sеx utendørs i geitekostymer blir ved et uhell skutt av jegere Pari, joka harrastaa seksiä ulkona vuohipuvuissa, ammutaan vahingossa metsästäjien toimesta Egy pár, aki kecskejelmezben szabadban szeretkezik, véletlenül lelövik a vadászok Un cuplu care face sеx în aer liber, în costume de capră, este împușcat accidental de vânători Pár mající sеx venku v kozích kostýmech je omylem zastřelen lovci Pora, užsiimanti seksu lauke su ožkų kostiumais, netyčia nušauta medžiotojų Pāris, kas nodarbojas ar seksu brīvā dabā kazu kostīmos, nejauši nošauts mednieku Par koji vodi ljubav na otvorenom u kostimima koza slučajno je upucan od lovaca
Dirty jokes Hunting Jokes
Selling boar hunting dog, not really understanding what its job was
Продавам ловджийско куче за глигани, не разбрало добре каква му е задачата Продавам куче за лов на диви свињи, не разбрало добро која му е задачата Vendo реrrо de caza de jabalí, que no entendió bien cuál era su tarea Продаю охотничью собаку на кабанов, не понявшую толком свою задачу Verkaufe Wildschweinhund, der seine Aufgabe niсhт richtig verstanden hat Je vends un chien de chasse au sanglier, n’ayant pas bien compris sa mission Πουλάω κυνηγόσκυλο για αγριογούρουνα, που δεν κατάλαβε καλά ποιο ήταν το καθήκον του Vendo cane da caccia al cinghiale, non avendo capito bene qual è il suo compito Domuz avı köpeği satıyorum, görevini pek iyi anlamamış Продаю мисливського собаку на кабана, не зрозумівшого добре своє завдання Vendo cão de caça ao javali, que não entendeu bem qual era a sua função Sprzedam psa myśliwskiego na dziki, który nie do końca zrozumiał swoje zadanie Säljer vildsvinshund, som inte riktigt förstått sin uppgift Verkoop everzwijnjachthond, die niet goed begreep wat zijn taak was Sælger vildsvinehund, der ikke helt forstod sin opgave Selger villsvinhund, som ikke helt forsto oppgaven sin
Animal Jokes Hunting Jokes
He is about 180 cm tall, dressed in green clothes, smelled of вееr. Aimed at me and tried to shoot me
Беше около 180 см висок, облечен в зелени дрехи, миришеше на бира. Насочи се към мен и опита да ме застреля Тој е околу 180 см висок, облечен во зелена облека, мирисаше на пиво. Се насочи кон мене и се обиде да ме застрела Mide unos 180 cm, vestido de verde, olía a cerveza. Me apuntó y trató de dispararme Он около 180 см ростом, одет в зелёную одежду, пах пивом. Прицелился в меня и попытался выстрелить Er ist etwa 180 cm groß, trug grüne Kleidung, roch nach Bier. Zielte auf mich und versuchte, mich zu erschießen Il mesure environ 1m80, vêtu de vert, il sentait la bière. Il m’a visé et a essayé de me tirer dessus Έχει ύψος περίπου 1,80, ντυμένος με πράσινα ρούχα, μύριζε μπύρα. Σημάδεψε εμένα και προσπάθησε να με πυροβολήσει È alto circa 1,80 m, vestito di verde, odorava di birra. Ha mirato a me e ha cercato di spararmi Yaklaşık 180 cm boyunda, yeşil giysiler giymiş, bira kokuyordu. Bana nişan aldı ve ateş etmeye çalıştı Він близько 180 см зростом, одягнений у зелене, від нього тхнуло пивом. Прицілився в мене і спробував стріляти Tem cerca de 1,80 m, vestido de verde, cheirava a cerveja. Apontou para mim e tentou disparar Ma około 180 cm wzrostu, ubrany na zielono, pachniał piwem. Wycelował we mnie i próbował strzelić Han är cirka 180 cm lång, klädd i gröna kläder, luktade öl. Siktade på mig och försökte skjuta mig Hij is ongeveer 1,80 m lang, gekleed in groene kleren, rook naar bier. Richtte op mij en probeerde me neer te schieten Han er ca. 180 cm høj, iført grønt tøj, lugtede af øl. Sigtede på mig og forsøgte at skyde mig Han er ca. 180 cm høy, kledd i grønne klær, luktet øl. Siktet på meg og prøvde å skyte meg Hän on noin 180 cm pitkä, pukeutunut vihreisiin vaatteisiin, haistoi oluelle. Hän tähtäsi minuun ja yritti ampua Kb. 180 cm magas, zöld ruhát viselt, sörszaga volt. Rám célzott és megpróbált lelőni Are cam 1,80 m, îmbrăcat în verde, mirosea a bere. A țintit spre mine și a încercat să tragă Je asi 180 cm vysoký, oblečený v zeleném, cítil pivo. Zamířil na mě a pokusil se vystřelit Jis apie 180 cm ūgio, vilkėjo žalius drabužius, dvokė alumi. Nukreipė į mane ir bandė šauti Viņš ir apmēram 180 cm garš, ģērbies zaļās drēbēs, smaržoja pēc alus. Mērķēja uz mani un mēģināja nošaut Visok je oko 180 cm, u zelenoj odjeći, mirisao na pivo. Nanišanio na mene i pokušao me upucati
Animal Jokes Hunting Jokes
Dude, relax. We're in camouflage – he can't see us!
Братле, успокой се. С камуфлаж сме – не може да ни види! Брате, смири се. Ние сме во камуфлажа – не може да не види! Tranquilo, amigo. Estamos camuflados, no puede vernos. Бро, расслабься. Мы в камуфляже – он нас не видит! Alter, entspann dich. Wir tragen Tarnung – er kann uns niсhт sehen! Mec, détends-toi. On est en camouflage – il ne peut pas nous voir ! Φίλε, χαλάρωσε. Φοράμε παραλλαγή – δεν μπορεί να μας δει! Amico, rilassati. Siamo mimetizzati – non può vederci! Kanka, rahat ol. Kamuflaj giydik – bizi göremez! Брате, розслабся. Ми в камуфляжі – він нас не бачить! Cara, relaxa. Estamos de camuflagem – ele não pode nos ver! Stary, wyluzuj. Mamy kamuflaż – on nas nie widzi! Snubben, ta det lugnt. Vi har kamouflage – han kan inte se oss! Gast, rustig aan. We hebben camouflage – hij kan ons niet zien! Mand, slap af. Vi har camouflage på – han kan ikke se os! Kompis, slapp av. Vi har kamuflasje – han kan ikke se oss! Tyyppi, rauhoitu. Meillä on maastopuku – se ei näe meitä! Haver, nyugi! Rajtunk van az álcázó – nem lát minket! Omule, stai calm. Avem camuflaj – nu poate să ne vadă! Kámo, uklidni se. Máme maskování – nevidí nás! Bičiuli, nusiramink. Mes su maskuote – jis mūsų nemato! Cilvēk, nomierinies. Mēs esam maskēti – viņš mūs neredz! Čoveče, smiri se. Imamo maskirnu – ne može da nas vidi!
Hunting Jokes
Animal Jokes Hunting Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter.
The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.
But then he said that he could recognize any animal’s skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.
This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started.
The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the BET was on.
They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin.
After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, “Springbok.”
Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, “And it was shot with a 22 rifle.”
He was right!
The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before.
When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round.
So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.
He took a bit longer this time and then said, “Kalahari Lion.”
Fingering the bullet hole, he added, “The rifle was a 308.”
He was right again!
This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hеll of a shiner.
So he said to his wife, “Listen, I know I was drunк last night, but not too drunк to know that I didn’t get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?”
His wife replied angrily, “From me!”
“What did I do?” he asked.
She replied, “You got into bed and put your hand inside my раnтiеs. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, ‘Skunk, killed with an ax!’”
Animal Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Hunting Jokes Superhero Jokes
Двама индианци се загубили в гората и единия предложил: Трима чукчи вървели през тайгата и единия се загубил. Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something. The first redneck says to the other, "If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you." After about three hours, the second... A big group of hunters were in the middle of the jungle and decided to split into smaller groups. Four fools decided to form one of the smaller groups and started walking. After a while, one of... Two avid hunters take a hunter's safety class in which they learn that the universal signal for an emergency is three shots in the air. Sure enough, on their next hunting trip the two men get lost.... There were two hunters who had never hunted before, so they took a hunters safety course. In this course it was stressed that if you ever got lost in the woods, firing three shots in the air was... Dwa kompletnie głupie elfy zabłądziły w lesie. Jeden mówi: - Strzel, może ktoś nas usłyszy. Jego towarzysz nie namyślając się wiele, strzelił raz, dwa, trzy, cztery razy... Elfy nasłuchują... Nic.... Eina du čiukčiai mišku ir įkrito į duobę. Vienas čiukčis sako: - Šauk į viršų. Gal kas išgirs? Šovė, bet nieko. - Šauk dar kartą. Šovė, bet visvien nieko. - Šauk dar. - Negaliu. - Kodėl? - Strėlės...
Hunting Jokes Friendship Jokes
Отишли руснакът и чукчата на риболов през зимата. Чукча и геолог събират камъни на брега на океана. Изведнъж виждат към тях да се насочва огромна, свирепа бяла мечка. Чукчата започва бързо да си обува ските. Геологът: - Това е безполезно. Все едно не можеш да бягаш по-бързо от мечката. - А на мен не ми и трябва да бягам по-бързо от нея. На мен... Двајцата рибари и белата мечка Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The... Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, "What are you doing?" The first responds, "I... Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't... Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase,... Zwei Wanderer und ein Bär Zwei Anwälte sind auf Löwenjagd in Afrika. Erschöpft von der vergeblichen Pirsch lehnen sie ihre Gewehre an einen Baum, um sich am nahen Bach zu erfrischen. Kaum haben sie das Bachufer erreicht, taucht der Löwe auf und schneidet ihnen den Rückweg zu den Gewehren ab. Sofort fängt einer der Anwälte... Deux hommes sont partis à la chasse dans les Pyrénées. Soudain, un ours d’au moins deux cents kilos surgit de derrière un rocher et commence à les poursuivre dans les chemins rocailleux.... Deux touristes qui se promènent dans la brousse sans armes voient tout à coup venir à leur rencontre un lion en quête d’un bon repas. L’un des deux ouvre immédiatement son sac et commence à... Οι Δικηγόροι Bir Amerikalı ile Japon safariye çıkmışlar. Her ikisi de son teknolojik Silahları da birbirlerine nazire yapmak için yanlarına almışlar. Derken uzakta bir aslan görünmüş. Amerikalı lazer tüfeğini... En advokat och hans klient var ute och gick då plötsligt en ilsken björn rusade mot dem. Advokaten öppnade fort sin portfölj, tog fram ett par joggingskor och satte på sig dem. Klienten skakade på... Brezsnyev és Kádár sétálnak az erdőben. Egyszer csak kiugrik eléjük egy medve, és éhes ordítással feléjük indul. Brezsnyev kétségbeesik, míg Kádár ledobja a csizmáját, elővesz a hátizsákjából egy... Šetaju dva lika šumom i naiđu na velikog besnog medveda koji se nameračio na njih. Jedan brzo skine čizme i krene da oblači sportske patike. Drugi ga gleda zbunjeno pa ga pita: - Misliš da ćeš u...
Animal Jokes Men jokes Hunting Jokes
Изтощен ловец в гората се натъкнал на друг ловец. - Така се радвам се да те видя, изгубих се преди цели три дни. - Не се вълнувай много, приятелю, аз се изгубих преди три седмици. An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days." Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
Hunting Jokes
Изтощен ловец в гората се натъкнал на друг ловец. - Така се радвам се да те видя, изгубих се преди цели три дни. - Не се вълнувай много, приятелю, аз се изгубих преди три седмици. Two deer hunters met in the woods. The first one said to the other, "Boy am I glad to see you, I've been lost for hours." The second deer hunter said, "That's nothing, I've been lost for a week."
Men jokes Hunting Jokes Friendship Jokes
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. 
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." 
The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." 
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old соdgеr.
He agreed to abide by the local custom. 
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh соw pie. 
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fаrт. Now it's my turn." 
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Hunting Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Money jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Hunting Jokes Friendship Jokes
Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Hunting Jokes
Animal Jokes Men jokes Hunting Jokes Friendship Jokes