The body of the hacker of the Jennifer Lawrence photos was found earlier.He’s apparently the first man to be Hi 5’d to death. 0 0 0
Earl and Bob, both obsessed with baseball, never missed their favorite team’s game. They promised, whoever died first, and went to heaven, would come back to earth and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One day, Earl died. Bob waited for him to come back. Finally Earl did. He said to Bob. "I have good news and bad news. I'll tell you the good news first. There is baseball in heaven." Bob said,"That’s the best news!" Then Earl said, time for the bad news....”You're pitching tomorrow night." 0 0 0
Cub Scout Troop 766 got quite an eyeful recently at a California State Park when the boys stumbled upon a nudе beach during a nature hike.I would love to have written the story headline for the newspaper:“Scouts Pitch Tents in Their Uniforms During a Nature Hike.” 0 0 0
A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, “I gotta find that blind guy. I’m in a lot of trouble if I don’t find him.” 0 0 0
News - Student dies two weeks after falling from a balcony in Majorca.Fuck, how high was that balcony!? 0 0 0
Samsung have announced that their new S8 will cost $899.Apple have said theirs will cost $799.This news has made my decision a whole lot easier.I can’t afford either of them. 0 0 0
“Hey Doc. What’s the news?”“I got bad news and even badder news.”“I’ll take the bad news first.”“You’re going to die in one day.”“Man that is bad news, what can be even badder than that???"“I was trying to reach you since yesterday.” 0 0 0
I was reading about this bloke who’s been arrested for exposing himself on a Ryanair flight to Dublin.That’ll definitely be the first time anyone flying with Ryanair saw free nuts. 0 0 0
One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he""D been sitting on a park bench. 0 0 0
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged,since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.‘The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’ Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself.I put him there to dry…. How soon can I go home?’ 0 0 0
So an American girl has had a third вrеаsт added, and called herself “Jasmine Tridevil”.I’m thinking of having a second реnis added, and calling myself “Cockatoo”. 0 0 0
Brian, one of the worlds greatest hypochondriacs, bumped into his Dr. one day at the supermarket. “Doc!” Brian exclaimed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you, remember those voices I kept on hearing in my head? I haven’t heard them in over a week!”“Wow! What wonderful news Brian! I’m so happy for you!” his Dr. exclaimed.“Wonderful?” asked a dismal looking Brian. “There’s nothing wonderful about it. I’m afraid my hearing is starting to go now!" 0 0 0
Wow, I forgot how expensive New York City is. …Checking into a Brooklyn hotel this morning, I literally had to give the bellhop $10 just for taking my tip. 0 0 0
The World Health Organization declares Nigeria officially free of Ebola - hailing it a “spectacular success story” and if you Email your bank details now, you can be a part of this success story… 0 0 0
So excited for the Apple iWatch. For centuries, we’ve checked the time by looking at our phones. Having it on your wrist? Genius. 0 0 0
Wife:“How’d your doctor appointment go?Husband:“Well, there’s good news and bad news. My blood pressure’s high andI’m overweight. But, at the doctor’s suggestion, I’m going to take up golf!”Wife:“And the good news?” 0 0 0
One day a woman watching the news saw this lady talking about a car driving on the wrong side of the road during rush hour. The woman realized her husband was driving on that same road! She ran to her phone to call him and tell him what she had seen on the news. When she got a hold of him he replied, “yes there are a lot of them on the wrong the wrong side..." 0 0 0
For those eight years Clinton was the president, it was like we had that really cool substitute teacher. 0 0 0