Each year our company holds a training session in the conference room of the same hotel. When we were told we would not be able to reserve our usual location, my secretary, Gail, spent many hours on the phone trying to work out alternative arrangements.Finally, when the details were ironed out, she burst into my office. "Great news, Scott!" she announced. "We’re getting our regular room at the hotel!"All eyes were on Gail and me as she suddenly realized she had interrupted a meeting with co-workers. 0 0 0
Did you watch the Dahmer thing? We had it on TV. I thought that was real kind of nice TV. Did you watch it? His mother was there in the audience, every day, in court. What could she possibly say? 'It's a phase. Your Uncle Jack ate people until he was 17.' 0 0 0
Has anyone ever noticed when ITV News reporter Nina Nannar says her name it sounds like the Sound of an ambulance. 0 0 0
What does роrn and United Airlines have in common?Sooner or later, you’re gonna see an Asian guy getting beaten off. 0 0 0
If you're a big news junкiе and you're worried about this or that, I've got some bad news for you: neither Bill O'Reilly or Bill Maher's gonna come to your funeral. 0 0 0
I have mixed feelings about flying.On my honeymoon, my bride and I wanted to fly United but the flight attendants refused and pulled us apart. 0 0 0
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says."Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks."10..." says the doctor."10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately."10...9...8...7..." 0 0 0
So, it looks like Oscar Pistorius is going to get away with мurdеr.That’s very disturbing news…For my wife, who’s just gone for a рiss. 0 0 0
I've been living in New York City now for four years. To this day, every time a сriме in New York makes news at home, my dad calls. He called me last week:'This old woman was beaten and mugged. Are you OK?' 0 0 0
How can you hate them? They spend most of their time blowing themselves up. I hate to admit this, but they're pretty much the Wile E. Coyote of terrorist organizations. 0 0 0
A small girl sat in front of the television watching a news program on teenage run away. "Mommy," she asked. "Why do people run away?" The mother thought for a moment about the numerous reasons that teens run and then proceeded to try and explain in a way that her young daughter would understand. After the first few moments of explanation the small girl interrupted. "No Mommy, why do people RUN away? Do they have to run or can they walk away too?" 0 0 0
Important news headlines:21 people were killed in a 21 gun salute,The head of the lost-and-found was reported missing,A vegetarian has been beaten to death by a meat packer.A 107 year-old woman is reported to be pregnant... physicians say that due to her advanced age, she will have a grown-up.A man has barricaded himself inside his home. However he is not armed, and no-one is paying any attention to him.A woman was severely injured while she attempted to вrеаsт-feed a wildcat.A high-speed chase ended when the car stopped and the people got out.An earthquake hit a maternity hospital and 3 people were killed. Luckily, 6 people were born.A priest who has performed over 300 exorcisms was eaten yesterday by a green boogeyman.A man who was shot 9 times yesterday and refused treatment... died today... of 9 shots.Tragedy struck the parade last week when an uncovered manhole claimed the lives of 1200 marchers one at a time... 0 0 0
In the news:“The Met Office has issued a weather warning following a night of torrential rain and gale force winds”Call me pedantic, but I would have preferred the warning in advance… 0 0 0
John who was not very well paid, yet who had several children learned a distressing piece of news from his wife Linda. The next morning he called his insurance agent to ask a weighty question, to which the insurance agent replied, “No, John, Linda’s pregnancy is not covered by your accident policy.” 0 0 0
Thai police have confirmed 20 died in the Bangkok blast yesterday, the dismembered corpses of 10 male and 10 females were found at the scene along with 14 соскs. 0 0 0
News: Метh lab found inside Wal-Mart in US.Officials became suspicious when they noticed an employee making a decent living. 0 0 0