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Grandpa and Grandma were living with their son and daughter-in-law. Grandpa noticed that his son had a bottle of Viаgrа and asked if he could have one.
His son said,
"Dad, I don't think you should take one, they're very strong and expensive."
Grandpa said,
"I know, but I want to try one. How much are they?"
His son replied, "$30 each."
Grandpa only had a $50 bill but was going to the bank. He told his son that he would leave $30 under his pillow that night.
The next morning his son found $130 under his pillow and said,
"Dad, I told you it was only $30. There's $130 under my pillow!"
Grandpa said,
"That's ok, the other $100 is from Grandma!"
Two businessmen in the centre of Perth were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop…As yet, the shop wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, “What are you selling here?”
One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling аss-holes.”
Without skipping a beat, the old dear said,“Must be doing well… Only two left.”
A Florida couple, both well into their 80’s, go to a sеx therapist’s office. The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’…
The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sеxuаl inтеrсоursе?’…
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sеxuаl advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have inтеrсоursе.’ He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye….
…
The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sеx therapist to watch again. The sеx therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has inтеrсоursе with no problems, pays the doctor, then they leave….
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’ …
…
The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married; so we can’t go to her house. I’m married; and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving me a net cost of $7.’
Three Elderly Sisters live in a huge two story house. Martha is upstairs and is going to take a bath. She yells down and asks, "Dorthy, was I getting in the tub or out?"
Dorthy replies,
"You were getting in the tub!"
The second old lady walks up to the foyer stairway and stops. She looks up and then she says,
"Dorthy, was I going upstairs or just coming down?"
Dorthy replies,
"Mary, you were going up stair!" After a slight pause, Dorthy continues, "God Help me." She then knocks on the table twice with her fist and then says,
"Was that the front door or back?"