Political Jokes

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My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

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This year has seen the coldest winter since records began for countries in the northern hemisphere. It’s been so cold that numerous politicians have actually been seen with their hands in their own pockets.

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On a scale of North Korea to America, how free are you tonight?

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Obama approval hits 60%,most of that approval is that he is finally GONE.

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What’s the difference between a refugee and E. T?
E. T. learnt English and wanted to go home!

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Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.

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Cheer Up Hillary Clinton.
Nelson Mandela wasn’t elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.

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Im a great believer in gun control. That’s why I always smoke a couple of cigarettes before I go out shooting because it helps keeps my hands steady.

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In light of the new presidential election I think it’s time for another American Pie spin off.
Harold and Kumar get deported.

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Ronald and Hillary, opposing candidates for the upcoming local PTA (Parent-Teacher Association) elections, walk into a donut shop for a quick snack. As soon as Hillary gets to the front of the line, she shoves 3 donuts into her pockets.
Ronald says,
"Really? You have to steal the donuts?"
Hillary replies,
"I shouldn't have to pay for them since i will be the next PTA President!"
Ronald says,
"Watch, I will get 3 for free by asking!" When he gets to the front of the line, he asks the clerk, "If i show you a magic trick, can i have 3 donuts for free?"
"Sure," replied the clerk.
So Ronald eats the first donut. "Mmmm, that was tasty." Then he eats the second and third donuts, "Mmmmm, they were just as good as the first!"
The clerk replied, "Where was the magic trick?"
Then Ronald replies,
"Рооf! Now look in Hillary's pockets!"

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Just seen Simon Cowell drowning in my local swimming pool so I saved him ……….. as my profile picture on facebook.

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So, Donald Trump has chosen Mickey Pence as his vice-president….
…. Not even Walt Disney could’ve imagined that one day Mickey and Donald would be running America!!

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Feel sorry for Americans having to choose between those two.
I’ve not trusted a Clinton since they charged me £7.50 for a birthday card, and I’ve not trusted a Trump since that curry last weekend!

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At a seminar on American Social Justice, a Civil Rights leader opined, "Anti-Americans are killing the better Americans - the likes of Osama-bin-Laden, Bernie Madoff, John Gotti, to name a few - surprising and confusing most Americans."
He further pointed out, "More surprising is the fact that Mob Wives are popular celebrities today."

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How come when a white person runs someone over it’s called a ‘traffic incident’ but when a Muslim does it they call it a ‘terrorist incident’?

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Twenty-six years after the Chernobyl disaster, and am I the only one that’s disappointed? Still no superheroes.

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I love the game, "Survivor". They start out with 20 contestants who are systematically knocked out of the game until there are only three left. The winner is the one who lies and backstabs the most people. You know, like politics.

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The General Services Administration has experts who actually visit different agencies and suggest ways to streamline their day-to-day routines.
One such expert visited the Federal Communications Commission and suggested that they get rid of the clutter. He suggested, as a start, that they throw out all correspondence over ten years old.
The FCC director loved the idea and replied, "Good thought. But first, we'll have to make three copies of everything."

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Trump has announced that he has all the necessary materials to build the wall along the Mexican border.
When he won the election 60 million Democrats shiт a brick

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Mexico’s president has cancelled his trip to America to visit Trump.
The wall isn’t even built yet and it’s already keeping one out.

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