Political Jokes

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When interviewers asked USA presidential candidate Gary (“Aleppo”) Johnson to find Syria on a map, he showed them a piece of sandpaper.

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Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

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Two convicts were sitting on their cot in a jail cell. One says to the other, "I hear you’re getting out in a few days. Tell me something are you going straight, or are you going back into politics?"

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It’s Kim Jong Un I feel sorry for.
He must have thought that his position as the world’s biggest demagogue with weird hair in charge of a nation was unassailable.

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I was gonna make a joke about 9/11 but it’s just plane wrong.

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Got a letter today through the post that was addressed to ‘The Occupier’ which was strange because there are no Israelis living here.

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America's First Law of Motion:
An object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object tends to stay at rest, unless an external force acts upon the object.
Meaning
America tends to go its way unless acted upon by Osama.
America's Second Law of Motion:
The acceleration of a body is proportional to the force applied on it.
Meaning
The number of sleeping pills an American takes is directly proportional to the number of video tapes Osama releases.
America's Third Law of Motion:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Meaning
For every death of an American, there is a death of an afghan.

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It’s so quiet in the Clinton camp, you can hear an email get deleted.

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Don’t tell me I don’t know what it’s like to get rареd ladies…..
I pay taxes too.

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Barrack Obama won the election on a platform of “change”.
I say “what change?”, what’s so new about a black guy who can’t pay his bills and has massive debt problems?

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A Politician rang up the "self help" line and said "I'm fed up with my life and am going to кill myself"
The operator said "where are you". The politician said "I am on the train track under the bridge"
The operator said "please stay on the line"????

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The veteran politician, not known for his public speaking skills, was going to give a speech at the Olympics. He looked at the teleprompter and began, "O, O, O, O, O."
An aid quickly ran over and told him, "That is the logo sir."

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A dog and a chicken walked into a bar. The bartender started to laugh...
The dog leaned over and whispered in the chicken’s ear, "Do you still have the ALCU on speed dial? I think we have a case here!"

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I’ll never forgot 9/11, it was a terrible day but sometimes beautiful surpises can bloom from tragic seeds. For example, my house actually climbed 2 places in the list of world’s tallest buildings.

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My little girl told me today she doesn’t want to leave the house because she’s scared of terrorists. I told her it’s not the terrorists you should be scared of, it’s the highly destructive shockwaves produced by rapidly expanding explosive material.

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Did you know that a group of baboons is called a congress…
Well that explain it all now doesn’t it

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Tony Blair and George W Bush had been sent to hеll. The Devil had prepared two cells for them. Tony Blair walked into this dingy cold room that had rats running all over it. The Devil said,
"Tony Blair, this is your eternal punishment!" George W Bush was not looking forward to his cell, so imagine his surprise when he entered a beautiful pink room with Pamela Anderson inside. The Devil announced, "Pamela Anderson, this is your eternal punishment!"

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Why are most politicans in the closet or gаy? Because they can only mandate.

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This Clown Craze has gone too far.
I mean think about it
Donald Trump President of America

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Nominated for quote of the year is the statement made by Texas Congressman Diск Armey when asked:
"If you had been in President Clinton's place, would you have resigned?"
Armey responded:
"If I were in the President's place, I would not have gotten a chance to resign. I would be laying in a pool of my own blood, looking up and listening to Mrs. Armey saying, "How do I reload this dамn thing?"

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