Political Jokes

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A general election is like choosing which end of the dildо to get fuскеd with next

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The economy is so bad that:Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.
Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by
The people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

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Why do we have elections in November?
Could it be that is the best month to select turkeys?

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What’s the difference between an actor and a politician? An actor has better script writers with more believable story-lines.

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In his latest outburst, Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton ‘disgusting’ for taking a toilet break during a debate.
Trump himself never has to go to the toilet, as the shiт just comes straight out of his mouth.

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A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.

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I asked Barack Obama if we could get together later, and he said Yes We Can!

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Apparently Kate and William have decided to give their new baby the humorous name of ‘Webecca’ so when she grows up people will think she has a speech impediment.

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I heard a rumour Monica Lewinsky won’t be voting for Hillary.
It seems the last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth.

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Lets role play I'll be Osama, You be a cave, and I'll hide up inside you

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If there’s one thing I learned growing up, it’s that everyone has to pay for their own mistakes.
Except for the government.
Somehow you have to pay for theirs too.

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“If you build it, they will come.”
Field Of Dreams 1989.
“If we built it, they won’t come.”
Donald Trump. 2017.

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What’s the difference between terrorism and democracy?
Whether the United States is attacking or being attacked.

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Politics is just show business for ugly people.

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Whether you love him or hate him, Donald Trump has given us something we haven’t had in decades, a First lady we can wаnк to.

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After receiving a $5 billion donation from the Brazilian government Fifa have just announced that they would like to congratulate Brazil on winning the 2014 World Cup 3-1 against Argentina on 13th July 2014.

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The UK government has recently referred to payday loan companies as “idiotic” for trying to target children and get them into debt. I agree, everyone knows the best way to get a child into debt is to offer them a student loan.

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You can’t go wrong buying the cool, new Donald Trump вlоw up doll. The ego inside inflates itself.

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Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He’s very serious about trying to make the USA grate again.

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It’s not Politically Correct to say Lottery players are sтuрid or rетаrdеd.
They are “Mathematically Challenged.”

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