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Programmer Jokes

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What goes ‘choo choo choo’ while online?
Thomas the search engine.
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
Fed up with your computer winning at chess?
Try it at kick-boxing instead!
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire.
The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said:
"Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said:
"We have here the driver's guide.
I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said:
"First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again.
Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said:
"Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
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Programmer Jokes Men jokes Computer Jokes Boss Jokes
An engineer, a manager and a programmer are driving down a steep mountain road.
The brakes fail and the car careens down the road until it hits a tree.
They all get out and discuss how to fix the car.
The manager says, ‘To fix this problem we need to organise a committee and develop a mission statement.’
The engineer says, ‘That would take too long.
I have my penknife here.
I’ll take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it.’
The programmer says, ‘No, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.’
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes Boss Jokes
Why was the IT support worker bad-tempered?
Because he had a chip on his shoulder.
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Office and Work Jokes Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
Един плешив програмист работел в банка и всичко вървяло като по вода, докато един ден програмиста не изчезнал. Един програмист не отивал на работа 4 дни подред. Началството изпратило хора A programozót holtan találják a lakásán a fürdőkádban. A csapból folyik a víz, és egy nagy, üres samponos üveg van mellette, amin ez áll: "Használati utasítás: Vizezze meg a hajat. Samponozza be....
A computer programmer has been missing from work for over a week.
Finally someone notices and calls the police.
They break down the door of his flat where they find him dead in the shower, an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body.
The programmer seems to have died from a combination of exposure and exhaustion.
The puzzle is explained when the police read the instructions on the shampoo bottle – ‘Wet hair.
Apply shampoo. Rinse. Repeat.’
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Office and Work Jokes Programmer Jokes Police Officer Jokes Computer Jokes
What’s the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
The car salesman can probably drive!
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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes
In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor.

One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayed because the vendor was suffering from a "severe non-linear waterfowl issue."

Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What exactly is that?"

The programmer replied, "They don't have all their ducks in a row."
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Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
Virus "Windows" found: Delete, Repair, Next?
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
A Genie Can Almost Do Anything Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle, he opens it and a Genie appears. Il Presidente del Consiglio camminando lungo la spiaggia inciampa sulla lampada e fa uscire un Genio. Questi gli dice che per ricompensa è disposto ad esaudire un suo desiderio. Il Presidente senza esitare dice: "Voglio la pace nel Medio Oriente. Vedi questa mappa? Voglio che questi paesi... A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans. Sure enough, he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish. He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World. The... Clinton finds a bottle, opens it and a genie pops out and grants him one wish. Clinton wishes for peace in the Middle East. The genie says there are some things even a genie can't do and tells Clinton to make another wish. Clinton says he wishes that... Una mujer está caminando en la playa y de pronto se encuentra una vieja lámpara. La recoge, la frota y ¡Paff! aparece un genio. La asombrada mujer le pregunta si le puede dar los clásicos tres... Un árabe caminaba por el desierto, cuando encontró una lámpara. Al abrirla ? sorpresa!, Apareció un genio: - Hola! Soy un genio de un solo deseo, a tus ordenes. - Entonces, quiero la paz en Oriente... Un árabe consigue una lámpara, la frota, el genio sale y le dice: - Solo te puedo conceder un deseo. El árabe le muestra un mapa y le pide paz para el Medio Oriente. El genio le dice que eso es... Era un musulmán que consiguió una lámpara mágica, de la que salió un genio al frotar y le concedió únicamente 1 deseo. - Quiero paz en Oriente Medio -Eso no es posible, tras 7000 años de guerras... Une femme se promène sur une plage et bute sur une vieille lampe. Elle se penche pour la prendre, la frotte et paf, un génie apparaît. La femme, étonnée, lui demande alors si elle pourra faire les... Un uomo sta passeggiando in un bosco alla ricerca di funghi, quando si imbatte nella più perfetta e antica lampada ad olio; inizia subito astrofinarla e appare il Genio: - Posso avere i miei tre... Kadının biri Maldivlerde bir kumsalda yürürken ayağı eski bir lambaya takılmış, kadın lambayı kumların içinden çıkarmış ve lambayı ovalamış.  Lambadan cin çıkmış. Kadın hemen: - "Üç hakkım var...
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie:
"Uh, let me see that map again."
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
Ready for the only way to enjoy Instagram? Follow zero people. Follow every dog.
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Social Network Jokes Programmer Jokes
Doi programatori intr-un bar: - Vezi tipa aceia? Vezi ce "properties" are? - Da. Am "testat-o" aseara... Sunt read-only Шетаат двајца програмери по улица и сретнуваат згодна девојка: Првиот. - Види какви `proprieties` имаа оваа девојка. Вториот. - Џабе ти е, она е само `read only`. Idu dva kompjuteraša ulicom i kaže jedan: - "Gle onu ribu! Kakve ima properties!" - "Ma jebesh to, ona ti je read-only!" Eina du kompiuteristai ir kalbasi apie priekyje einančią merginą. Vienas sako: - Pažiūrėk, kokios pas ją „properties“. O kitas: - Kas iš to, vis tiek ji „read only“. Kalbasi du programuotoji kavinėje: - O properties pas ją aukščiausio lygio! - Gaila, kad viskas read only! Vakar pats tikrinau!
Two programmers in a bar:
Do you see that chick there?
Look at here “properties”!
Yes, I’ve already “tested” here last night... they are read-only!
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
A life? Cool… Where can I download one of those?
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
Q: What's the Internet's favorite animal?
A: The lynx.
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Animal Jokes Programmer Jokes Internet Jokes
Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet?
It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.
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Internet Jokes Technology Jokes Sports Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes
A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes
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