Relationship Jokes

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The following conversation took place between a wife and husband on a Saturday night.
Husband:
“Get your coat I’m going down the pub.”
Wife:
“It’s about time you took me out for a drink somewhere.”
Husband:
“fuск off, you’re staying here. I was just gonna turn off the central heating to save money.”

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Money jokes Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place at a flower shop.
Customer: Hi I’m looking for some flowers for my girlfriend.
Shop owner: What do you want?
Customer: Some sеx…

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Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

Three reasons why my wife is like a computer.
1. She’s good at remembering credit card details.
2. She knows everything about every subject.
3. She always complains about having a virus whenever you try and do anything dirтy with her.

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Relationship Jokes

Did you hear about that new device that can make your car 95% quieter? It fits straight over your wife’s mouth.

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Relationship Jokes

If you're in a long term relationship, there's nothing better for you as a couple than to be out of shape because, eventually, you just get to the point where it's like, 'Well, honey, looks like we've eaten ourselves into a monogamous relationship.' Nothing says I love you like, 'Pass the gravy.'

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Relationship Jokes Fat Jokes

Q. What do you do if your wife comes crawling back?
A. Drag her back into the garden and make sure you dig the hole deeper.

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Relationship Jokes

Had a talk with my son earlier today about маsтеrватiоn and how it’s totally natural. I also told him to make sure that in future he knocks on my door before he goes into my room.

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Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place at a church wedding:
Priest: Repeat after me.
Groom: After me!!
Priest: Is this guy serious??
Bride: No his name is Bruce.

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Relationship Jokes

I'm happy with my relationship status: I'm about to get married. I just don't know to who yet.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

The end of a relationship isn't the worst thing. It's worse when it doesn't end after the end.

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Relationship Jokes Life Jokes

People get fired for robots. I hope that doesn't happen with comedy. You'll come to a comedy show, there'll be a robot on stage. 'For family jokes, press one. Relationship jokes, press two. For реnis jokes, press deez nuts.'

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

My girlfriend and I ended up having the mother of all breakups last night, the underlying message being that my “sense of direction was causing huge problems in the relationship”.
Eventually, tired and frustrated, I stood up, packed my things and right.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Relationship Jokes

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver's license.
"Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.
"No," I replied.
"Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house."

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Relationship Jokes

The wife and I were sitting on the couch watching the TV and it was boring so I thought I’d start a conversation.
Me: How many men have you had in total?
Wife: Are sure you want to know?
Me: Yeh, go on.
Wife: 7.
Me (after a pause): so I was number 7.
Wife: no, you were number 2.

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Five signs that a women is angry with you.
1. She’s silent.
2. She’s yelling.
3. She acts the same.
4. She acts different.
5. She murdered you.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Know a sure way to bug your wife or girlfriend?
When they ask you that loaded question, "How do I look?", just say, "With your eyes."

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Relationship Jokes

“That’s a nice plant,” said a woman at the florist’s shop, pointing to the flower I was buying.
“Yeah, my wife and I had an argument,” I admitted. “I was going to buy her a dozen roses, but I don’t think she’s that mad at me.”

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

When Mr. Ed retired from television, he got a job as a telephone psychic. Mary was having relationship problems, called in, and got advice from the old stallion.
Arriving home, she confronted her husband, accusing him of having an affair.
"Where in the world did you get that idea?" he asked.
"I got it from the horse's mouth!"

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Relationship Jokes

Found out recently that my wife had an affair with a мidgет.
I can’t believe she would stoop so low.

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Relationship Jokes

I was sharing with a friend my opinion that women should come with instructions.
She replied, "Why? It's not like men read the instructions anyway."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes