Relationship Jokes

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What do relationships and video games have in common?
They both start off easy, then they get a little harder and then you end up cheating.

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Relationship Jokes

When I found out my girlfriend was having a baby my life really changed. I changed my name, address and phone number.

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Relationship Jokes

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

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Relationship Jokes

Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me.

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Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife whilst at a restaurant.
Husband: What do you want to drink?
Wife: I guess I’ll have champagne.
Husband: Guess again.. Maybe you should go for a diet coke?

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Relationship Jokes

My dad always used to say, ‘What doesn’t кill you, makes you stronger,’ - ’till he had the accident.

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Relationship Jokes Dad Jokes

So I didn't appear to be a loser, I concocted a story to tell my friends, about my having a girlfriend who lets me put lipstick and rouge on her.
In other words, not only did I make her up, I MADE her up!

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Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes

I have a love/hate relationship with my wife.
She’s bipolar.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

The prospective son-in-law was asked by his girlfriend's father, "Son, can you support a family?"
"Well, no, sir," he replied, caught off-guard by the question. "Your daughter and I were thinking we'd just have to support ourselves, the rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

I’ve been happily married for 4 years - out of a total of 25

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

Two women were discussing marriage, and one said,
"We've been married ten years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food."
The other woman said,
"That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"
The first one replied, "Oh, no. Not in the slightest."
"You must be a sаinт!" commented the second.
To which the first woman replied, "Why should I object? A lot of people don't like their own cooking."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Relationship Jokes

I told my wife I wished she’d come with directions. She said this is a first, as I’ve never heard you ask for directions before.
She also said not to worry that she "did" come with directions and has been giving them to me since the day we met.

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Relationship Jokes

Wife comes downstairs and asks her husband, who is lying on a sofa, "What have you been doing?"
He replies,
"Killing Flies."
"How many you have killed so far?"
"Five, three males and two females."
"How did you figure that out?"
"Well, three were sitting on the remote and two were sitting on the phone."

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Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place between a mother and daughter.
Daughter:
“Mum, am I ugly?”
Mum:
“I told you not to call me mum in public.”

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Relationship Jokes

When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sеx, not the whole entire relationship…

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Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes Relationship Jokes

The police came over to my house last night after me and my wife had an argument. I said “Officer there’s no reason for you to be here tonight, I’ve already tasered her.”

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Relationship Jokes

Husband: Ваве, after work I had an accident. Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple fасiаl injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg.
Wife: Who is Sabrina?

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Office and Work Jokes Relationship Jokes

Sam and Abe, now in their late seventies, first met in the second grade in a school on the lower East Side of New York. Their relationship now is one of playing pinochle, playing jokes and making bets.
Sam calls Abe and says, “I got a bet for you: I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars!” Abe says, “How can that be? If you knew anything about biology, you …”
Sam interrupts, “I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard, …one thousand dollars, …yes or no!!”
Abe says, “Okay, okay, I’ll take your bet! How long is yours soft?”
Sam says, “Eleven years!”

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School Jokes Old People Jokes Relationship Jokes

I tried to drown my troubles the other night but the wife doesn’t like swimming.

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Relationship Jokes

Never, NEVER, NEVER make your girlfriend mad...
They can remember stuff that that hasn't even happened yet!

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Relationship Jokes