Sarcasm Jokes

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Where were you i have been waiting for half an hour. Said No Girl Ever.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Do you know karate? Cause your body's kickin!

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Sarcasm Jokes

I went to a party last night. I thought I looked pretty smart, but some Jewish сunт said, “The ’70s called… They want their shirt back!”
I said, “The ’40s called… Your shower’s ready.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

T wo fellows are running a store and decide to have a big вlоw-out clearance sale. Within 3 hours, everything is sold from the store. The one fellow says to the other, “Well, what now? We’ve sold everything.”
The other replies, “Don’t worry, there’s this nеwfiе who comes in here everyday. We’ll have a few laughs on him.”
Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, newf comes walking in , hands in pockets, looking around. “Tell me lads”, asks the nеwfiе, “what have ya for sale today?”
One of the fellows says, “Well we’re having a sale on аsshоlеs!”
Newfie says, “Well ya must be doing pretty good, ya only got two left!”

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Sarcasm Jokes

I got sacked from the Salvation Army soup kitchen last night.
Ungrateful ваsтаrds! All l said was, for fuск sake hurry up, some of us have got homes to go to.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Worried about dry skin? Concerned about wrinkles?
Well, visit a burns unit and get some perspective.

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Sarcasm Jokes

In a BMW manual the first page says “Drive like an а$$hоlе” and rest is just tips on how to bring up your BMW in every conversation.

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Sarcasm Jokes BMW jokes

I was talking to a girl I know.
I said, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“I fear rejection.” she bluntly responded.
“Well,” I chuckled. “Would you like to come on a date with me?”
“Yes!” she smiled.
I said, “I bet you would. It’s unfortunate you’re not my type, though.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

She texted me:
“Your adorable.”.
I replied:
“No, you’re adorable.”
Now she thinks I like her.
All I did was point out her typo!

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Sarcasm Jokes

I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me.
“Fancy buying me a drink?” She said.
“Sure,” I replied. “If you let me choose.”
“Okay,” she grinned. “But how will you know what I want?”
“Well, it’s kind of a talent,” I smiled. “All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best.”
“Okay,” she giggled. “You can choose for me.”
So I turned to the barman and said, “Diet coke, mate.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

Dear Timex,
I’m pretty sure that if I end up 500 meters under water, I won’t need a fuскin’ watch anymore.

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Sarcasm Jokes

My son’s class are having a pyjama day tomorrow…
Great to see the education system is getting them ready for unemployment.

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Sarcasm Jokes

What’s the most difficult thing to master if you want to become a nightclub bouncer?
Seven hours of holding your gut in.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Why is it everything you buy from IKEA requires assembly?
I bought a pillow the other day and they gave me a duck!

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Sarcasm Jokes

My girlfriend just called me a c**t.
I said, “I’m impressed, ваве; not many people can pronounce asterisks.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

Tom walks over to his neighbour’s house.
‘Hey Charles, when is your birthday?’ Tom asked
‘Next week, why?’ he replied
‘I need to get you some curtains!’ he said ‘I’m sick of seeing your wife giving you вlоwjовs!’
‘Oh, really?’ Charles replied, ‘When’s your birthday?’
‘August, why?’ Tom asked
‘I need to get you some binoculars.’ Charles said, ‘So you can see who’s wife it actually is!’

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Sarcasm Jokes

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Some people are like a software update .
When I see them I think ” Not now ”

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Sarcasm Jokes

A straight face and a sincere-sounding "Huh?" have gotten me out of more trouble than I can remember.

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Sarcasm Jokes

The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2017.

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Sarcasm Jokes