Sarcasm Jokes

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Just been watching The lion the witch and the wardrobe.
My wife and her mum were settling the cupboard.

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Sarcasm Jokes

They say when you meet the right one you will know right away.
But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?

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Sarcasm Jokes

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”.
If it were a good morning I’d still be in bed instead of talking to people.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I've pre-planned my funeral to include a 32 minute montage of the times I've accidentally waved hello to someone waving to someone behind me.

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Sarcasm Jokes

After watching some soppy film my girlfriend texted me:
‘Love, if I waz turkish wud u lern turkish 4 me?’
I replied, ‘Yes, of course darling. Would you learn English for me?’
‘yh, corse I wud’.
‘No, I mean, please, would you?’

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Sarcasm Jokes

I never think twice about helping others.
In fact, I never think once about it.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I was staying in a Premier Inn last night. Before I went to bed, I phoned down to reception.
“Hi, this is room 319. Can I have a wake up call, please?”
“Yes. You’re in your mid-50s and have achieved nothing in life!!.

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Sarcasm Jokes

When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.

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Sarcasm Jokes

My mate has a Blackberry and every fuскing time he gets a call he says;
“Oh, my Blackberry is ringing, excuse me.”
So I said;
“One second please, my SAMSUNG is receiving a text.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

Some people measure themselves with external accomplishments like wealth, social status, even vanity; and others use internal ones; such as honesty, sincerity, simplicity, humility and generosity…myself, I use a ruler with the first four inches cut off.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I really believe there is a great need for a sarcasm font.

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Sarcasm Jokes

A mother in law said to her son’s wife when the baby was born
“I don’t mean to be rude but he doesn’t look anything like my son”
The daughter in law lifted her skirt and said
“I don’t mean to be rude either, but this between my legs is not a fсuкing photo copier”

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Sarcasm Jokes

I was listening to my daughter practice her violin.
“I wish that I was like Beethoven,” I said to her.
“I didn’t know you had any musical ambitions, ” she replied,
“I don’t, ” I said, ” he was fuскing deaf.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

Today is ANZAC day which, this year, marks the 102nd anniversary of the landing of Australian and New Zealand troops at Gallipoli” I informed my Scouser mate.
“Well, it’s been 9865 days since Hillsborough.” He replied.

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Sarcasm Jokes

When i was young !
I used to chase skirts all over the world until i got to Scotland.
Shit was I surprised.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I was standing at a urinаl earlier today and next to me was a мidgет also having a рiss. I noticed he was winking at me so I looked away, I turned and looked again and the little fсuкеr was winking at me like crazy! Disturbed by this, I said:
“Are you gаy? Do u fancy me or something?” He replied:
- ” No you’re splashing in my fсuкing eyes!”

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Sarcasm Jokes

People who write "u" instead of "you". What do you do with all the time you save?

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Sarcasm Jokes

I know how to feed a nation…but will she eat it?

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Sarcasm Jokes

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

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Sarcasm Jokes

The wife came home last night and said, “I know something you don’t.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?” I asked.
“What it’s like to have a big соск,” she replied.

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Sarcasm Jokes