School Jokes

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School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes
John was a salesman's' delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 14 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school?"
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie," said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said,
"I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sеx Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said,
"Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"
With that, the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes
Jamito el padre y las matemáticas El examen de Jaimito y la perdida de memoria - Сине, ако и този път изкараш двойка на теста забрави, че съм ти баща! Un díaantes, de un importante examen de matemáticas, el padre de Memin sube a su habitación le dice: Tatal ii Zice fiului: - Mai bine ai trece examenul azi, daca nu, Sa uiti ca sunt tatal tau! - Sigur, Tata... Dupa examen: - Deci, cum a fost Examenul? - Cine esti? Dad: you better pass your exam or else forget me as your father! Son: ..... Son: sure, whatever dad. Five hours later Dad: so how was your exam? Son: who the hell are you?! Kickass if you get it By... Dad- Son, u better pass this exam or rather forget that im ur father! Son- Sure dad! Whatever! Little Kenny is about to have a big test and his father says: “You better study real good boy, ‘cause if you don’t pass that test, you can forget that you’re my son!” The next day Kenny comes home... Λέει η μάνα του Τοτού στον Τοτό: - Τοτέ εάν κοπείς στα μαθήματα της εξεταστικής ξέχνα ότι είσαι παιδί μου. Μετά από μερικές ώρες τον ξαναρωτάει : - Πώς τα πήγες; Τοτός : – Γνωριζόμαστε κυρία μου;
School Jokes Dad Jokes
A 16-year-old boy who works part-time job pulls into his parent's driveway in a Porsche. Naturally, his mom and dad know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to own such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad scream in unison.
He calmly tells them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money?” his mom demands. “We know what a Porsche costs.”
“Well,” says the boy, “This one cost me fifteen dollars.”
At this point, naturally, the parents start yelling even louder. “Who on earth would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?!”
“The lady up the street,” the boy replies, shrugging. “I don’t know her name-she just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”
“Oh my gosh,” the mom moans.
The boy’s father and mother rush over to their new neighbor’s house, ready to break down her door and demand an explanation. Curiously, their new neighbor is calmly planting petunias.
“I’m the father of the kid you just sold a sports car to for $15,” the dad says. “I need an explanation from you - ASAP!”
“Well,” the neighbor says, not looking up from her garden. “This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”
“What on earth does that have to do with selling our son a Porsche for $15?” The boy’s mom asks - utterly perplexed.
The new neighbor smiles, and pauses for a minute. “Well, my husband asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”
Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes School Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Secretary Jokes
The following was the answering machine message for an elementary school:
"Hello! You have reached your child's elementary school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1.
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2.
To complain about what we do - Press 3.
To cuss out staff members - Press 4.
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5.
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6.
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7.
To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8.
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9.
To complain about school lunches - Press 0.
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers fault for your child(ren)'s lack of effort, hang up, and have a nice day!"
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