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There were five people on a plane. Malcolm Turnbal, a skater boy, an elderly man, a little school girl and Hilary Clinton. The plane was about to crash and there was only four parachutes.
Malcolm Turnbal said,
"I am about to be the president, so i need a parachute".
The skater boy said,
"I have a long life ahead of me, so i need one too".
Malcolm and the skater both grab one and jump out.
Hilary Clinton said,
" I am also running for president, so i also need one". Grabs one and jumps out.
The elderly man turns to the little girl and says,
" I have lived my life. You haven't, so you take the last one".
The little girl shook her head. "No sir. We can both go. Malcolm Turnbal stole my school bag".
Once upon a time, a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him “you are driving me crazy Basheer”… ….
….
One day his mother went to check out how he was doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career…
The mother could not accept such a feed back and she took her son out from that school. she even shifted to another city …
25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform..
Left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful …when she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling to her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk, in turn, he was staring at her face which started turning blue, she was raising her hand trying to tell him some thing but in vain and eventually she died…
The doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw our friend Basheer working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner……
(If you were thinking that Basheer became a doctor, its because you have been reading too many motivational forward messages.)
Two high school buddies decided once and for all to prove who was the faster swimmer. They picked a large stream near their old high school, and the first one to swim to the other side would be declared the winner. Harvey, a friend of Bill, the so-called underdog, had a plan.
"For some reason," Harvey explained to Bill's other rooters, "Bill loves jokes, and when he hears or reads good, funny jokes, it gets his adrenaline going, and nothing can stop him."
Harvey then grabs a joke book and hands it to Bill before the whistle blew to start the race. "And they're off!" the whistle blower shouted.
Halfway across, picking the winner was practically a no-brainer. "Bill's going to win!" yelled one.
"He's actually chuckling and giggling, reading that joke book while swimming to the slоре bordering the other side of the stream."
"What's he accomplishing by doing that?"
"He's laughing all the way to the bank!"
One day these two fine southern ladies were sittin' on the front porch having some iced tea. One of the women sticks out her hand for the other woman to see, and in her long southern drawl says "Look at this ring my husband gave me. Isn't it nice?"
To which the other woman replies,
"Oh that's nice, that's real nice."
The first woman then says , "And just last month he took me on one of them Caribbean cruises."
The second woman again replies,
"Oh that's nice, that's real nice."
"Well sweetheart doesn't your husband ever buy you nice things or send you nice places?"
"Oh", the second woman responds, "When we first got married he did send me to etiquette school."
"Why'd he do that?" the first woman asks.
To which the second fine southern woman replies,
"Well you see, before, when someone told me about the jeweler their husband gave them, or the trips he sent her on, I would have just said I don't give a сrар, but now I say that's nice, that's real nice."
A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next, Mary said,
"We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they're hatched."
"Very good," said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.
Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story. "My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete."
"Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.
"Aunt Karen drank the whisky on the way down to prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?"
"Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
During a test, the college professor noticed that a married student, who was quite pregnant, kept rubbing her side. After class, before she left, the teacher asked her, "Are you okay? I noticed you were holding onto your side."
"Oh, I'm fine," the student answered. "It's just that my baby was pushing his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little."
"Well, that's good," the professor said, feeling relieved.
"Yes," she continued. "It's strange. He normally sleeps during your class too."