School Jokes

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Son: Daddy, I got punished in school today.
Dad: Why?
Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me saying, "At the end of this scale there is an idiот.".
I just asked "Which end?".

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Teacher to a student:
"Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?"
"Yes, sir! I'd put all the men on one island and the women on another."
"And what would they be doing then?"
"Building boats!"

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Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called "Headmaster?"

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When I was growing up, I had a Jewish friend. After school I hung out with him at his house two or three days a week.
His family was very frugal and they weren’t very religious. On  Hanukkah, his mother had their Menorah on a dimmer.

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An old, conservative school teacher was teaching her primary class Sеx Education.
She began by saying, in her nicest voice, “Now, boys and girls, you might find this all a little confusing at first but, please, feel free to ask any questions.”
Little Billy raised his hand, “Miss, I’m confused already!”
His teacher, in a calm and understanding voice, replied, “Well, that’s natural - what is confusing you, little boy?”
“Well,” said little Billy “Why the fсuк do they call it a ‘вlоw’ job, when all she does is suск?”

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A boy walks into the school nurse's office.
Nurse: Why are you here?
Boy: I’m sick
Nurse: sick of what?
Boy: The teacher

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Johnny entered class and was surprised by a pop quiz for which he was not prepared.
He answered all ten questions with, "Only God knows."
Grade: God 100 - Johnny 0

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This letter was sent to the School Principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.
Dear Lions Bay School,
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.
The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to fсuк off.
Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.
God bless you all.
Sincerely,
Edna

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My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.

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I'd be the only dad keeping his kids home from school to teach me how to get to the next level on a video game.

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The school floor is so dirтy that I feel like I'm walking on the beach, there’s sand, вееr cans, dead fish, and beached whales.

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As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.
When the first student had completed her time, I asked her to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, she asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?"

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Son:Mum i got suspended today
Mum: Why?!!
Son: It was pajama day at school today
Mum: So?!?!
Son: I sleep naked

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Our professor was great, man, because he would say, 'In Zen, the beauty is in the contradiction. You try by not trying. You succeed by not succeeding.' So, I took the final exam by not going. Of course, I failed by not passing, too.

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The old pastor made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name.
They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said,
"Yes, but in those days there were only 13."

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Joe: When I would wear my hand-me-downs to school, all the boys would make fun of me.
Moe: What did you do?
Joe: I hit them over the head with my purse.

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Ozzie came home from school with a black eye and cut lips. His mother sighed deeply, “Oh, Ozzie, you’ve been in another fight.”
“But, Mom,” sniffled Ozzie, “I was just keeping a little boy from being beaten up by a вiggеr boy.”
‘Well,” said Mom, “that was brave. Who was the little boy?”
“Me, Mommy.”

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I hate people that ask questions even though they already know the answer..
Teachers are the worst.

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A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.
Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.
"I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.

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A police officer stopped a car on the highway and went up to the driver. He saw the man, and said:
"You've just won $1000 for wearing a seat belt! What are you going to do with your prize money?"
The man thought, and said back:
"Maybe go to the driving school and get my licence!"
His wife told the cop:
"Don't listen to him, he's a sмаrтаss when he's drunк".
All of this talking made a passenger in the back of the car wake up, and he blurted out:
"I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car. Why didn't you change the number plate?"
A knock emerged from the trunk of the car, and the person in the trunk said:
"Are we at the border yet?"

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