My five-year-old nephew has always happily answered to BJ. That ended when he came home from his first day of school in a foul mood. It seems his teacher took roll call and he never heard his name."Why didn’t anyone tell me my name was William?!" he complained. 0 0 0
Son: Dad!, Dad! I got a part in the school play! I play the husband.Dad: Too bad they did not give a speaking role. 0 0 0
Our closest enemy is Castro. Anybody scared of Castro? Nah. It's like рissing off the slow kid in school. 0 0 0
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said,"I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?"Finally, after much urging, a little girl said,"Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead." 0 0 0
When my daughter came home from school to find her pet rabbit missing she looked everywhere for it,Eventually asking me, “Where can he be?”- ” Maybe you should look somewhere where there might be carrots” I suggested“That’s a good idea” she replied“And peas, onions and gravy” I added as I dished up stew for dinner. 0 0 0
I have a friend in chef’s school …He started stealing cutlery from his cooking classes …It was a whisk he was willing to take. 0 0 0
A man walked up to a school and said "can you teach me to read and write"The administrator said,"Yes we can"! Just fill out this form." 0 0 0
How the teacher laughed when I told him I wanted to be a cardiologist when I grew up.He won’t be laughing now when he opens his chicken nuggets to find there’s no dip in with them. 0 0 0
Students in an advanced Biology class was taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, “Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.” The question was worth 70 points or none at all.One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:1. It is perfect formula for the child.2. It provides immunity against several diseases.3. It is always the right temperature.4. It is inexpensive.5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.6. It is always available as needed.And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the веll rang for the end of class he wrote:7. It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.He got an A 0 0 0
What do an old person, a Mexican man, and a high school student close to graduation have in common?They're all seniors. 0 0 0
I’ll do algebra, I’ll do statistics, I’ll even do trigonometry…But graphing, THAT is where I draw the line! 0 0 0
"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?""Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.""Just leave all the lights on... It makes the house look more cheery.""Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week.""Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.""Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me.""The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.""I don't have a tissue with me... Just use your sleeve.""Don't bother wearing a jacket -- the wind-chill is bound to improve.""Sure you can go joyriding with Evan. He's only had one major accident.""Don't bother cleaning your room, I bought a second set of dishes." 0 0 0
What is the only good thing about paedophiles? They never break the speed limit when they drive past schools. 0 0 0
The new family in the neighbourhood overslept, and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she’d direct him to the school.They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she’d led him around in such a circle.The child explained, “That’s the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It’s the only way I know.” 0 0 0
Kay Burley:“Parisians have bravely ignored warnings of a further atrocity and taken to the streets again”.So what? American kids go to school every weekday. 0 0 0
Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage-restrictive."Kids don't get in trouble anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."You're not having a bad hair day; you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."No one's tall anymore. They're "vertically enhanced."You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."It's not called gossip anymore. It's "transmission of near-factual information."The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."Your homework isn't missing; it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."You're not sleeping in class; you're "rationing consciousness."You don't have smelly gym socks; you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building." 0 0 0
Teacher: Joey, why did you bring your pussycat to school?Joey: Well, I heard my dad say to my mom last night that he was going to eat that рussy when I went to school, and I didn't want poor Bubbles to get eaten!Teacher: ... 0 0 0