USA - Page 12

A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were on a North American transcontinental flight. The Canadian stuck his hand out of the plane, and said,
"We have reached Canada." The others asked,
"How do you know?" The Canadian responded, "Because I have just touched the tip of the CN tower." A couple hours later, the American sticks his hand out of the plane and said,
"We have reached the USA." The rest asked,
"How do you know?" The american replied, "Because I have just touched the tip of the Empire State Building." Another couple of hours passed and the Mexican said,
"We have just reached Mexico." The American and Canadian asked,
"How do you know?" The Mexican answered, "Because when I stuck my hand out the window someone stole my watch."

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Me; what are the 3 most used in america??
Friend; I Love You??
Me; no... Made in China

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USA Jokes Friendship Jokes

Yo mum so fат when captain America threw his shield it never came back

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USA Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

It's time for the employees of my local video store and the rest of the citizenry of the United States of America to recognize who I am -- I'm Jеrк-Happy Bob.

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Dirty jokes USA Jokes

America’s policy of shooting first and asking questions later has always been their downfall.
I mean, just think how useful King Kong could have been on September the 11th.

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USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil.
We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.
All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma...
All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC!

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USA Jokes

T here was a Japanese guy who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the Japanese leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive!”
Thereupon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”

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USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

An blond went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots.
The owner replied, “Sorry, I don’t have any at the moment.”
“Dамn and blast!” said the blonde, “I have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life and I want to go as a Pirate, and I have been told to be as authentic as possible, hence the need for the parrot explained the Blond.
“Well” said the owner, “if you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I’ll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed,”
“Dамn and blast!” said the blonde, “I can’t come on that day or for some time after.”
“Why not?” Asked the owner.
“Because that is the day I’m having my leg amputated!

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Blonde Jokes USA Jokes

It's America, not a load of laundry -- no need to separate the white and the colors.

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes

Kanye West recently gave his wife, Kim Kardashian, a massive second diamond engagement ring.
Kim said, “Wow, thank you so much.”
While every married guy in America said, “Yeah, thanks A LOT Kanye!”

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes

Look, I understand you can't smoke cigarettes in a hospital room -- I understand that: it's bad for you, blah blah blah. But, America, we're beginning to make it illegal in bars! I mean, who is concerned about their health in a bar? Exactly what's the complaint on this one? 'Excuse me, Mr. Bartender-Man, I am trying to get drunк so I can drive home and have unprotected sеx with some sкаnк I just met tonight -- this guy's blowing smoke in my face. And some more deep-fried cheese, when you get a chance.'

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes Sex Jokes

A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog. “This is a talking dog,” he said. “And you can have him for five dollars.” The neighbor said, “Who do you think you’re kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain’t no such animal.” Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. “Please buy me, Sir,” he pleaded. “This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me,never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times.”
“Hey!” said the neighbor. “He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?”
“Because,” said the seller, “I’m getting tired of all his lies.”

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Animal Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes

I’m thinking of starting a new business. Because of the high tax rate here in the USA I have decided to explore abroad.
Unfortunately, it’s mid-week at my local watering-hole and female patronage is rather low so I will have to wait to do my exploring on Friday and Saturday night.

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Jokes about Women USA Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California. The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies,
"We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s."
The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter. When the captain was finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there!"

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USA Jokes

When your Asian friend has been in America too long, they start to make fun of Asian people.
Me: Dude Pearl Harbor was a good аss movie
Asian friend: fuск Japan! Fuск their families! They can all die in hеll! They look like they ate too many sour candies! Rice picking mudah f*ckah.
P. S. Im not lying, he said that

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Friendship Jokes

O nce upon a time. Little Red Riding Hood’s mother (being concerned about the increase in violence in rural America) gave Little Red a .45 caliber gun for protection. Little Red kept this gun in her basket.
One summer day while on the way to her grandmothers house, a big bad wolf jumped out from behind a tree and howled “I’m going to fсuк your brains out!” Little Red pulled out her gun from the basket and calmly replied:
“Oh no you’re not, you’re going to eat me like the story says.”

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USA Jokes Sex Jokes

World: We’re gonna use the scale where 0° is freezing and 100° is boiling.
America: Cool, we’re gonna use the one that doesn’t make sense.

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USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower and their descendants included senators and Wall Street wizards.
They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose, how to handle great-uncle George, the criminal, who was executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book appeared. It said,
"Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock."

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes

Everyone's got their own beliefs on this. It's America; you're entitled to your belief. My belief is that life begins when you start minding your own business.

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God Jokes USA Jokes

I have solved America's gun сriме issue. I said to my American friend:
"Why don't you solve your мurdеr problem by getting rid of all guns?"
He said:
"Yo dude, guns don't кill people. People кill people." Well there you have it. Just get rid of all americans.

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USA Jokes Friendship Jokes