USA - Page 11

America where we celebrate Memorial Day with mattress sales.

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I’m Tired!
Yes, I’m tired. For several years I’ve been blaming it on getting older, lack of sleep, weekend projects, stale office air, poor nutrition, carrying extra pounds, raising a family, recent colds, and a dozen other reasons that make you wonder why life is getting rough. .
But now I found out what’s really happening! I’m tired because I’m overworked. The population of the USA reached 300 million last October. 79 million of the populations are retired. That leaves 221 million to do the work. There are 19 million toddlers and 76 million students in schools, which leave 126 million to do the work. Of that total, 21 million are unemployed leaving 105 million to do the work.
Then you take away 34 million in hospitals and that leaves 71 million to do the work. 43 million are in prisons and that’s 28 million left to do the work. Now take away 14,683,468 federal, 5,344,722 state and 5,370,743 city workers who run our government and you’re left with 2,601,067 to do the work. Take away the 2,601,065 people in the armed forces and that leaves just two people to do the work - You and Me! And you’re just sitting there reading this!
No wonder I’m tired!!!

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes

In America, they say it's 10:00 do you know where your children are?

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Insult Jokes USA Jokes

AMERICA: The only country that used a Goverment shut down to solve its problems.

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USA Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Do you guys know that to hang out with you, we pretend we understand football? Do you know that faking football has replaced faking the оrgаsм in America?

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Dirty jokes USA Jokes

Three Chinese named Chu, Bu, and Fu went to America. Upon reaching there they decided to Americanize their names.
So Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck… and Fu decided to return to China.

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USA Jokes

Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample over others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

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USA Jokes

I'm tired of hearing about how America's a bully. America is not a bully. Bullies beat you up and take your money, and that is not what America does. America gives you money -- and then we beat you up. We're the mob. We just kinda wait for the check to clear, then we show up going, 'Hey, you got a real nice f**king country here. Be a shame if something happened to it.'

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Money jokes USA Jokes

Afghanistan picking a fight with America -- what the hеll? They can't afford cheese, and they want to fight America. You can't fight America if you can't afford cheese. First you get cheese, then you get cable, then you fight America.

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Food Jokes USA Jokes

Four million of these people enter our country - our beloved USA - every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they’re dirтy and they smell bad. THEY DON’T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!
(…But I still love babies.)

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes

A long time ago, a father, visiting America for the very first time, went up and down the aisles with his son-in-law at the local store.
He constantly asked questions about products he saw, "Vas diss? Powdered orange juice?"
"Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice."
A few minutes later, in a different aisle, "Und vas dis? Powdered milk?"
"Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!"
A few minutes later, in a different aisle, "Und give a look here! Baby Powder! Vat a country, vat a country!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes Dad Jokes

Yo momma аss is so hairy its like Don King is about to jump out and shout "ONLY IN AMERICA!"

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USA Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

My twin sons Craig and Stuart are going to America to audition on the X factor when it starts over there.
“Hi, i’m Craig Towers, and i’m Stuart Towers… and together we’re Twin Towers”
I’ve got a feeling they’ll go down well.

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USA Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Соndом-vending Machines are provided in some restrooms. When it comes to wall-scrawl, these dispensers take as much abuse as the wall above the urinals and the wisdom written in the stalls. Here are samples of what was scratched into the paint of various dispensers in the USA: …
…
‘This gum tastes funny.’ …
‘For refund, insert baby.’ …
‘Don’t buy this gum, it tastes like rubber.’ …
‘No glove, no love.’ …
‘No balloon, No party.’

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USA Jokes

A Chinese Man walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fаn of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,
“You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour , get outta here.”
The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour , it was the Japanese”.
“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”
Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.” The Chinese replies,
“Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same

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Men jokes USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Gun control
Barack Obama was at a rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, and asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone, ‘Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.’
Then, little Richard Earl , with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said:
“Well, dumb-аss, stop clapping!”

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School Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes

If u hate Donald Trump vote kick ass
I mean what freak stops a civilisation Look at his(sarcastically) "well thought plan to stop Muslims from entering America, " Police will ask them if they r Muslims"
Ever heard of lying genius!

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Dark Humor Jokes USA Jokes Police Officer Jokes Anti-Humor Jokes

I still remember the good old days in America,
When it was “Hands up OR I’LL shoot!”

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News and Politics Jokes USA Jokes

It’s the first day of school and the teacher thought she’d get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says:
“My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.”
The next little boy says:
“I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”
Then one little boy says:
“My name is Jimmy and my father is a loser who prefers to lay on the couch all day and watch TV, while Mom goes off to work to support us.”
The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the schoolyard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true what he had said about his father.
He blushed and said, “I’m sorry but my dad plays hockey for Team USA, and I was just too embarrassed to say so.”

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Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes USA Jokes Dad Jokes

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is? “Bob”.
“And what is your question, Bob?”
“I have 3 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the веll rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh that’s right - question time. Who has a question?”
A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is?
Steve”
“And what is your question, Steve?”
“I have 5 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Kerry got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess веll go 20 minutes early?! And fifth, Where is “Bob”?!!

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School Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes USA Jokes